— 2019.11.11
I know this message is already long overdue.
And I'm not exactly sure how to start.
Maybe if I could ask an apology first...
I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for disappointing you girls, again.
I'm sorry for 'ghosting' on you. I'm sorry for shutting you out.
I'm sorry for being selfish...
Paulit-ulit na lang ako pero wala rin namang nangyayari.
I've done it again and I really don't know how to fix it this time.
Or even just how to face you girls, again.
I'm really sorry if I burden you with my absences or sudden 'ghosting'. I'm really sorry I made you clueless on what's happening to me. I'm really sorry if I made you feel like I didn't trust you enough to share my problems with you. I'm really sorry for being such a bad friend. If I can even call myself one.
Shutting people out. This is what I do best.
When things get tough, I run away instead of facing it or asking for help. Or even just simply share what's happening.
I call you my 'friends' but I don't do the part.
This goes to show how selfish I am.
I'm so used to thinking that my problems are my own and own alone. I'm so used to the idea that I'll only share it once I've fixed it. And I really don't deserve help at all.
Every time you asked me if I'm okay, i couldn't bring myself to answer because I don't exactly know how to say that I am not without explaining it further. I sucked at communicating and maybe that's exactly the reason I don't have a good or comfortable relationship with the people around me.
I am truly sorry for failing you, guys. I understand if you're mad at me. I know I really deserved that.
