it felt like he just stabbed you in the back.
"I mean, what am I to you? how do you see me? do you see me as a girl who needs help, someone who can't do anything on her own, someone who annoys you with her constant presence-"
"okay, namwaan, cut it off. you want to know how I see you?"
he had never really thought about it.
and honestly, these deep conversations with you were mind blowing.
but he didn't know what to say.
staring speechless into your teary eyes, his mouth trying to form words - no, he had no idea.
he wanted to speak out the truth, he wanted to be completely honest with you - still, he didn't know how to answer your question.
the only thing he knew: he hated seeing you like this. sad, broken, lost in thoughts in a deep ocean. where was his cheerful, happy namwaan? his strong, lovely namwaan, who would always greet him with a hug?
"it's okay", you whispered with a broken voice, wiping your last tears away.
you didn't expect more from him.
"I wish you all the best on tour. please don't overwork yourself, take care."
and then, you left. you put on your sneakers, grabbed your jacket and left the house, leaving him behind.
to be honest, you had hoped for jungkook to call you back. to tell you sweet things, tell you how much you meant to him.
but he didn't, and you couldn't stay.
jungkook was the reason keeping you in this house, not the house itself.
and as much as it hurt you, you needed to leave. not forever, of course.
you just needed to get out of this house. because he, he grew so important to you. you liked him, maybe a bit too much. you trusted him and only him, you would give everything for him to smile.
but he kept you in his house because he felt bad for you. he couldn't even answer a simple question. he could have said "you make me smile" and it would be enough to you.
maybe you liked jungkook too much. maybe that was the problem in your relationship.
you gave too much feelings, he too less.
~♡~
"JUNGKOOK! YOU DUMBASS!", namjoon yelled at his best friend after he had told him everything about last night.
how you were crying, how you left.
and how speechless jungkook was. he wanted to say something, he wanted to share his thoughts with you.
but somehow, he couldn't. because it felt wrong saying out those words, and now? he had hurt you.
and he couldn't regret it more.
"she left, hyung! I don't know what to do!", jungkook said, completely helpless and close to tears.
he didn't know where you were,
he didn't know if you were alright,
he didn't know how he could make it right again.
"give her time", yoongi said out of nowhere, making every single eye pair laying on him.
"I know her better than any of you. she will come back, don't worry. give her time, she'll get over it", yoongi told jungkook, smiling weakly.
he really struggled with himself talking nice about you.
"do you think so?", jungkook asked.
"yes. but jungkook, I have a question."
Yoongi came closer to him, his eyes focusing on jungkook as if he was his target - jungkook backing off, scared of yoongi's sudden action.
"why didn't you tell her? why didn't you tell her what she is to you?"
"because.. I don't know, okay!? I just.. don't know what she is to me."
after hearing this answer, namjoon and yoongi started to burst out in laughter - huh?
"why are you guys laughing!?", jungkook asked, almost a bit offended.
"even we know what she is to you!"
"and what? what is she to me, huh? tell me!"
"oh, jungkookie, you need to find this out by yourself."
~♡~
you didn't come back. no, you stayed away from his house until jungkook left for the tour.
and jungkook?
he was driving crazy. he couldn't sleep, he couldn't focus. all he could was asking himself how you were doing.
where you were.
and then, the day of him leaving arrived - the first day of the tour.
he was sitting in the airplane, first class, staring thoughtless out of the window.
hoseok, the person sitting next to him, was sleeping. taehyung, the person sitting in front of jungkook, was constantly on his phone.
nobody was speaking, everybody was busy with themselves.
"I wonder how namwaan is doing..", jungkook murmured through his thoughts, sighing sadly.
"oh, she's doing pretty fine", taehyung suddenly said, making jungkook confused.
"how do you know?"
"hm? oh, kyeon is with her."
"what? how do you know? who is kyeon?"
"oh, namwaan and I are texting each other. I arranged her a date with kyeon so she wouldn't be alone when we leave. and she says he is amazing, so I'm pretty sure she's doing fine."
taehyung shouldn't have said that.
"this kyeon can fuck off", because this,
this triggered jungkook's jealousy. a lot, and it wasn't healthy for sure.
- authors note -
asking you again,
how do jungkook's feelings towards namwaan look like?
bye ✌.
