The Pain of Existing

Chapter 15

I'm back with another one of my terrible intros

Sorry it took so long but I just suffered a break up with my boyfriend of almost a year and I'm a little off right now, I'll be back to my old self eventually, but for now, read my shit

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

Peter's P.O.V.

"It's ok. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

I looked up at him, staring into his sympathetic eyes.

"You mean it?" I wondered. My voice sounded high pitched, like a child, eyes widened with wonder.

"Yeah Pete. I mean it. Now, why don't we get you out of these restraints? As long as you can stay in bed, we can play some games," he suggested.

"Yeah, ok." Mister Stark pressed a button on a nearby remote, and the restraints immediately let me free. I moved my wrists quickly, afraid that they would shut again and not let me go.

"You good?" He looked at me expectantly.

"Uh... yeah, I guess. I'm ok," I answered tentatively. "I just... I don't really want to play a game right now. Can I just be by myself for a little while?"

"Oh... sure Pete. If that's what you want." He walked out, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

You hurt his feelings, you worthless cow.

Why can't you do anything right?

He's only taking care of you because he has to.

You're so weak.

I growled, all my frustration pouring itself into anger. But it stopped as quickly as it began. I collapsed, both mentally and physically drained. I lay on my back, breathing heavily. I wanted nothing more than to break that promise I made to Mister Banner. Again.

"Promise me that you won't hurt yourself again."

He had put so much trust in me... trust I clearly didn't deserve. After I made that promise, I failed a suicide attempt and got shot after unsuccessfully running away. And yet, I still was afraid of breaking that promise. I was afraid of the disappointment, the shame, the anger. But on the other hand, it would take away the pain. The pain of existing.

I'm sorry it's so short. I've been through a lot lately, and between that and my tendency to binge watch tv for hours, I haven't had the time to update this (lame excuse, I know) but I hope you guys can stick with me a little longer. Or a lot longer, idk we'll find out