Guardian (Part I): Last Winter

Chapter 36: Eris

I couldn't see anything other than the Abyss. All around me was darkness, with no aura of light for me to sense. I couldn't see Zenartha. I couldn't see the epsilon ruins that my sons and I had passed through, and I couldn't see either Finn or Haemon. Where were they? I couldn't tell if they were safe. I couldn't sense their light. Then again, there was only darkness surrounding me. I was in the Abyss. I was glad that they were as far away from me as possible, given where I was. It wasn't a place for children. They would go insane if they were standing where I was. I reminded myself of something. I had been here before.

"Feel familiar, I wonder," a voice suddenly said, echoing throughout the Abyss. My eyes widened when I recognized it. It was my voice! I looked around, hoping to find where it came from. I couldn't see anything at first, but I turned all the way around to find someone else. Myself!

"Haemon knows what you are, but Finn doesn't, does he?" my imitation taunted. "He doesn't know what you became when you became drenched with blood, when you fell to your own bloodlust, and you allowed yourself to be taken by the Abyss. I know you enjoyed it. The feeling of not being bound by the rules of society. The freedom that was granted to you by the Dark One."

"No," I denied. I knew the Abyss. It played tricks on anyone under its influence. Right now, it was trying to play tricks on me, but it wouldn't work. Whatever this imitation of myself had to say, I had heard it all before.

"There is nothing protecting you from what you know is the truth," she continued. "You may run from it all you like, pretending to be something your not. Warrior, wife, mother. What you have done makes sure of one thing. You will never change, or convince yourself otherwise. You, Eris, are a monster."

"Not his monster," I hissed. I began to feel the darkness surrounding me fade, and saw the Abyss surrounding me disappearing. My eyes opened as I felt three different auras of light beginning to draw close. I recognized them as my vision began to find me in the ruins of Dolothor Ildaris, and then I clearly saw Finn, Haemon, and Ina all around me. I was lying down under a sort of makeshift tent made from a ragged carpet hanging from a piece of a fallen wall. I heard sighs of relief from both Finn and Haemon when my eyes opened, and barely sat myself up before they both threw their arms around me with tears falling from their eyes. I reached around and rubbed the back of both of their heads with my hands.

"Boys," I sighed. Before I found myself in the Abyss, the last I remembered, I was in a battle to the death against my former friends, Suonan and Azure, and barely survived. I thought I wouldn't survive. There was no other time in my life when I was any happier to see my children, the reasons I fought until I killed my fallen friends.

"You're alright," Finn sobbed.

"I'm alright," I promised. "What exactly happened?" I looked to Ina for an answer, but she shook her head. It was enough to say that I didn't even want to know what had happened while I fought Suonan and Azure. It must have been terribly frightening, even to Ina.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Thank them," Ina corrected. "They went after the heart of a cerberus, and ended up in the Labyrinth of Torment to save you."

"They did?" I gasped. A flood of terrible thoughts went through my mind. I knew what the Labyrinth of Torment was, and I knew what both Finn and Haemon would have seen if they went far enough into it. I wanted to scold them both for going into such a dark place, but I wouldn't. They didn't intend to find themselves there, but they fought their way out, just to get back to me. I couldn't be angry at them. I squeezed them against my chest.

"Thank you both," I said. "I will never forget this."

"How are you feeling?" asked Finn, pulling away from me.

"Just fine," I assured. "Suonan and Azure were great warriors in life, even after the Abyss overtook them. It was no easy fight."

"I wouldn't think so," Haemon agreed.

"Well, would you like to rest for a little while longer?" Finn offered.

"I think I'm ready," I hoped.

"If you plan to press forward, take it slowly," Ina warned. "The remedy I made has strong effects, and I suggest keeping yourself away from violence for a few hours."

"Alright," I admitted. "Thank you again, Ina."

"I'm afraid I must be getting back to my house," said Ina. "You did my brother and friend a mercy by your efforts. I shall keep their weapons at my house as a memorial."

"I'm sorry I had to do that," I sighed. I sensed a feeling of sadness from Ina for a moment. Suonan was her brother, and Azure was her best friend, and I had killed them. I saw a tear run down her face before she stood from her knees.

"You did what needed to be done," Ina reminded. "Don't trouble yourself with it. Goodbye, Eris." She went under the curtain of the tent and disappeared.

"I'm glad you're alright," said Haemon, then he waved his small hand close to my face. "Do you see my hand in front of you?"

"Haemon," I scolded.

"Alright, alright," Haemon whispered, lowering his hand.

"Do we still have daylight?" I asked, and Haemon went to peek his head out from under the curtain of our tent.

"Yes," he reported.

"Then let's go," I urged. I rose to my feet, with Finn helping me up by the arm. Haemon handed me my sword as Finn and I came out from under the tent. We then went away from the garden of Dolothor Ildaris, until we reached the very edge of the city. There was still a set path up Soareus Peak's mountainside, lit with flames on the magic torches that refused to go out. We followed them further up the path, hardly saying a word to each other as we climbed the ancient stone stairs. I was wondering about something, but was afraid to ask it if Finn and Haemon really had gone through the Labyrinth of Torment. Not knowing would nag at me until we reached the top of Soareus Peak, though.

"So, do you mind if I ask you guys what you saw in the Labyrinth of Torment?" I wondered.

"Not at all," Finn excused. "I, uh, saw what I did in Dormanine, but more clearly."

"What do you mean 'more clearly'?" I asked. For a moment, Finn was silent, but he eventually answered me.

"I saw what happened when I blacked out," he answered. "I fought those men like I would have fought monsters, and when only one was left, he was injured, but... I killed him anyway." I felt guilt aching inside of my head. I didn't see exactly what happened in Dormanine, but I knew that Finn was attacked by seven men, who he completely wiped out. I knew now that he'd never forgive himself for it. I should never have asked him anything. What he saw was what the Labyrinth of Torment showed him, though. For all I knew, what he was presented with wasn't actually what happened.

"Finn, I know what the Labyrinth of Torment is," I said. "It's supposed to mess with your head using memories that you want to forget. You told me you don't remember what happened in Dormanine, other than the beginning and end. I doubt what you saw is what actually happened."

"You really think so?" asked Finn.

"You're my son," I reminded. "I know you. You would never kill someone when they're unable to fight back. I don't want you hating yourself for it, so promise me that one day, eventually, you'll forgive yourself. It doesn't have to be soon, but it has to happen. Will you?" Finn didn't answer me for a moment. We continued up the mountain path for a long time, and I still didn't hear a word from him. He couldn't tell whether or not he even could forgive himself for this.

We reached a little higher up the mountain, and he finally answered, "Yes."