Fear, Guilt, and Lies

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I awoke early that next morning. It was 5 a.m.. I got my phone out and looked for the nearest abortion clinics. I was actually doing this. I found that there is a Planned Parenthood right here in Poughkeepsie. It's about 30 minutes from Joe's house. I didn't want to go in alone though. The problem is, I couldn't tell anyone about this - not Mary, not even Lucy who is my best friend. I just couldn't. I didn't need any sort of consent from a guardian in the state of New York thankfully. However, I needed someone to go with me. I just couldn't go to this place alone. I only had one option left - my uncle Marco. Yes, the same uncle I had not lived with or spoken to since he pushed me down so hard that I was left with a knot on my head.

I got dressed and quietly headed downstairs. I made sure not to wake Mary. I have learned that she's a heavy sleepy like her brother, though. I left the Mazzellos a note saying I was going out for an early walk and then possibly a couple of other places. I also said in the note that I'd be back later and to not worry. After this, I put on sunglasses and a Yankees cap (It was Joe's but he'd let me wear it on a super sunny day when he came to Argentina and forgot to take it back with him. I forgot to give it back to him out of all the chaos of yesterday.) I, then, began my trek back to the trailer park where I began my life here in the U.S..

I arrived at Marco's home. I was surprised. The outside used to look like a mess. It looked much nicer now. There were some new plants and it looked like he even painted the porch. I was scared to death to knock on the door. It was now 6:10. What if he wasn't even awake? As I was thinking about all of this, hands trembling, I noticed the blinds from the living room begin to open slightly. He was awake and had heard me begin to walk up the steps I guess. I froze in terror. Next thing I knew, the front door was opening. I saw a man I almost didn't recognize.

Marco was clean shaven, he looked healthy, and he had a calm demeanor about him there as he stood at the door.

"Valentina?" What are you doing here?" He asked, absolutely perplexed.

"Um...I-I need..."

"Yes?" He inquired.

"N-nevermind!" I said as I shook my head and ran back down the steps and away from his trailer. I heard him yell my name, but I didn't look back. Seeing him on the porch - all I could think about was him shoving me that night on that very same porch. I got frightened. I guess I was going to have to face this alone. Hey, it's probably better this way. Marco would probably just lecture me about getting pregnant and hey, who knows, he's could be against abortion too. For all I know, he would have told the whole family in Argentina (they don't speak to him though after what he did to me)....but still! I just wanted someone who wasn't one of my friends to go with me since I didn't want any of them to know. Well, I'm alone in this now.

Fast-forwarding to later in the day. I arrived quite a while before Planned Parenthood opened. I literally sat on a bench outside for three hours. Finally when I was able to get in, I explained what was going on to a woman at the front desk. When I saw the doctor, she asked me "How many weeks I was". I panicked. I didn't know. I'd not seen a doctor before this. She then asked "Well, can you tell me what night this took place?" I told her it was June 20. Today was August 13. She told me everything would be okay. Since I confessed I hadn't seen a doctor or even taken a pregnancy test, she wanted to do an ultrasound first to make sure I was pregnant. She did - sure enough, there was the heartbeat of another person in there. I wondered if I was making the right decision. I was scared. I didn't know what I'd tell Joe, but I had to proceed with what I thought was right.

I, Valentina Allende, had an abortion right then and there - at 17 years old.

After I left, I felt strange. I felt like a lost child. I was too scared to go home yet. So I went to Kerrington Park and spent a good while there. I looked at flowers, trees, and just breathed in the fresh air trying to calm my racing mind. At around 1 p.m., I decided I should get back to the Mazzello home.

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