I've never been one of those girls (joe sugg/thatcherjoe youtube fanfic)

chapter 31

Sophie's POV

It had been about two days since I'd seen any of them, I guess I shouldn't expect any of them to talk to me but it feels kind of weird. I've literally spent my time doing nothing and absolutely hating myself. I wake up and wish that this trip never happened, and that I never destroyed Em's life when we were in school. So far I've rented 9 movies and watched all of them in bed with a bowl of pop corn.

I've watched: Toy story, Nemo, Titanic, letters to Juliet, Angus thongs and perfect snogging, 10 things I hate about you, 17 again and Dear John.

I suppose that I could just go home but it wouldn't make any difference because there's no one there that would want to talk to me. I'm debating moving away and starting a new life without all of this regret and misery. I swear that everyday that I've spent here that I've been feeling more and more sick- like literally throwing up- but it's probably just the guilt or some kind of karma.

I just wish that I could talk to Em again, try and make it up to her but I know that nothing will work. Anyway, she's probably off living her new life with Joe! Yes I did see his proposal video. Is it bad that I'm jealous?

I've walked past their hotel soooo many time and I can't stop thinking about Caspar. It didin't hit me that I would have hurt him as well. The sad thing is that I really like him and I need to start following my heart not my head. I've almost walked up to their room so many times now, but I know that I don't belong.

It's a good thing that me and Emma didn't share a room or else she probably would killed me by now, but I haven't seen or heard her since the day. I hope she's okay. Then again, she's probably with Joe and Caspar. But what she didn't know was that I slept with both of them.  We didn't tell anyone this but just before I slept with Joe I had just come back from Caspar's bed. YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF!

I needed to talk to him.

One message to- Caspar x:

I really need to talk to you, it's urgent!

It's unlikely that he'll reply, let alone open the message, but I needed to try. I felt so dirty and disgusting. I never imagined my life to be like this.

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"Joe wait I need to talk to you!" I yelled as he speed walked past me.

"I've got nothing to say to you." he replied, not even looking back at me.

"just hear me out." I begged.

"Why? So you can destroy my life even more? Or convince me that you're a good person? Well you're not and thanks to you, I'm  not!" he screamed whilst turning around and now looking me in the eyes.

"I know I'm not and I want you guys to be happy but I need to talk to you!" I replied, now feeling embarrassed by the crowd of people now staring at us.

"If you've got something to say then just say it!" he snapped.

"Can we go somewhere more private?" I asked.

"Are you serious? This is just another one of your games!" he said.

"It's not! Just give me two minutes" I said. He nodded and I gestured to him to follow me around the corner. I was shaking more than ever. I reached into may bag and pulled it out to show him

"It's that? No no no, you can't be serious? Tell me your joking." He was freaking out!

"I wish that I could."

Hey guys!!!! thanks for reading, let me know what you think so far! Comment any guesses for what you think Sophie is showing Joe???? PLEEAASSEE KEEP READING, vote, share, comment and all that stuff! I love hearing from you!