New To This

Daddy

We don't stop until mom clears her throat in that subliminal way when you actually don't need to clear your throat. She looks at each one of us intently. "I need you guys to listen to me, I know your mad, I know you have all of these emotions bottled up inside you, but that doesn't change that I am your mother and that I took care of you for all these years, and deeply love you more than myself."

Mom's not done, but Angela looks up from the table and in to her eyes. "Mom-"

Mom puts her hand up. "I said listen to me! He left with little explanation, and didn't send that many notes , and I know, I know, what that did to us, but I spent years trying to build what he broke and I'm not going to let him break it again. Your father if you still call him that was living in Sacramento, but he came back."

Bree's voice cracks. "How long were you in contact with him?" I was thinking the same thing.

"Just two weeks, two weeks, and he's not planning on staying forever he's staying with a friend for a month."

I know she wants to listen but I blurt out, "Why is he here now? Why can't he just stay in Sacramento forever?"

My mom shoots me a look, and I shrug back down in my seat. She may not be in her usual everything is nice and free, but she still can put me in my place.

Mom's face grows soft and she stares me down. "Ziyah baby, your father came back because he wants to 100 percent contribute and pay for your college, and he.... he," mom stops and looks towards Angela as I digest her words. He left and barely gave me a complete goodbye, and now he just wants to throw money at me 8 years later like shit is sweet? "He paid for your apartment Angela." What the hell? He can pay for an apartment and LA, but he can't be a father or send a Sacramento postcard? This definitely isn't closure, and I think I hate him more.

Angela turns to mom with her mouth wide open. "So that wasn't a loan? He.. he paid for the place I live in with my daughter, when he didn't even respond to my messages about her," Angela says. I don't see her eyes water, and only the tears spill down her face before she gets up from her seat making a loud noise between the chair and the hardwood.

Her flats slap the floor and she runs upstairs leaving Bree, mom, and I. Bree is sniffing, and drawing little shapes on the table with her fingertips. She begins mumbling. "Zi gets to go to college, Angela gets an apartment, he wants to make things right?" she asks.

Mom nods. "Yes he wants to make things right baby." She reaches for Bree's hand, but hers are occupied as she continues drawing.

"Then what do I get?" Bree says sternly. As she stares at mom I realize those aren't her normal eyes and something that came from an orange bottle is controlling that stare. "Then what do I get?" she repeats. Mom just looks at her and rubs the back of her neck again. Bree rises from her seat. "What apartment is he staying at?" she yells and I just shrink in my seat.

Mom looks away from her and says, "4th floor 5b."

With that Bree storms right over to me as I try to become invisible. She gets down on her knees and mom watches her with same look Sofia had.

I look down at her as she puts her hands on the handle of the chair I'm sitting in. Her voice is almost a whisper. "Zi come on please, just drive me, you won't have to see him, just drive me, please please Zi."

I can't look at her and I look at mom instead. It's slow and her eyes are more on the table, but she nods and I feel weak receiving her words of what I hope is permission from her eyes.

"Mom," I say giving one last look at Bree.

She nods again. "Go baby." At this point I've stopped thinking and I slowly get out of my seat. Bree gets up off her knees and follows me . As we walk out of the dining room I look at my mom one last time, and search for some bit of happiness in her that will make me feel better, but there isn't any. I wanna stay with her, and I don't wanna help Bree see that man, but I don't make my way back to the table and walk out of the house.

"We shouldn't be doing this," I say as Bree opens the door to the passenger seat.

"I just wanna see him," she mumbles and gets in the car.

I'm still doubting this whole thing, but I get into the car and look at Bree. She's looking under the seat and stretches her arms out as far as she can. "Yes," she says. She pulls out a large bottle of vodka and I'm not sure what I'm seeing is real.

"Bree what the hell, I've been driving in this car for the past two months."

"Sorry, but at least you didn't get pulled over," Bree mumbles.

As she tries to open the bottle I start the car, but stop when I look in the rear view mirror and see Angela running towards the car.

"Wait!" she yells and jumps in the backseat. "Bree what the hell," is the first thing she says as she looks at Bree. Bree shrugs and I start driving hoping he won't be there. We don't talk at all and the only sound is Bree trying to open the bottle of vodka.

Unfortunately we get to his building quite fast, and Angela and Bree get out of the car. I'm about to get comfortable just sitting in my seat, but then I see Angela's face and realize I can't let my sisters go off alone. I get out of the car and we all sort of just look at the building until Bree opens the bottle.

"Bree no!" Angela says. She's too late though and the bottle is upside down as Bree downs it. I move towards her, but she backs away and finally separates the bottle from her lips. I look towards Angela and see the tears building up in her eyes. There's nothing I can do to make her feel better so all three of us just walk into the building and head up to the 4th floor.

Bree can barely keep her balance and we walk right behind her as she holds the bottle and looks at all of the beige doors. We land on 5b and we all look at eachother and exchange looks before Bree knocks on the door. I hear shuffling in the apartment killing my hope that he would be out and I can't look at the door any longer. I can't find it in me to move, and it's too late to go back now as the door swings open. Standing right in front of us is our dad looking the same as he did when he walked out of our lives guilty, bald, wearing a flannel, and a dark complexion that I want to use a punching bag right now. He's mouth forms in the shape of an o, and we just stare up at him.

Bree is the first person to speak as she flings her arms in the air with the bottle still in her hand. "Daddy you missed a lot!" she yells all happy. This happy alcohol induced state goes away in a second and she begins to scold him. "I want diamonds, diamonds, that's how you can attempt to make it up to me," she says. Tears spill down Angela's face and she runs to the elevator. Bree takes another sip of Vodka and follows Angela leaving me staring up at the guy I share a last name with.

I should have a speech prepared or I should punch him because we're about the same height, but I look over at Bree and Angela. Bree is talking to the vodka bottle and Angela is crying in her hands. All I can say is, "I have to go do the job that was yours, you can close the door now." I wanna add a fuck you, but I can't form the words before I go over to Bree and Angela. I have to be the man to comfort them now, and although Bree gets snot all over my shirt I'm completely okay with that.

I hug Angela and we go home to the parent that loves us, and Angela picks Sofia up from her summer camp only to bring her back home and spend the night. I'm about to go to sleep so I won't have to think when I get a text from Lucas.

Lucas: We need to talk about Daya.