Crossroads - H.S.

Chapter 29

Harry's p.o.v.

Jude has been acting strange.

And not her usual type of strange, it's like a strange type of strange.

She's been distant one minute, and then all over me the next, like she can't decide which one she wants more. I'm trying to go with the flow, but the flow has me all sorts of confused. I haven't said anything though. I'm not sure how I'd bring it up, or what it is. I'm sure it'll just play out, she's probably overthinking something. She tends to do that.

She hasn't been going to the office with me lately, which has been driving me crazy.

I tried telling her that I just want to keep her safe, but she shut that down when she argued that she would rather live her life like normal than be afraid all the time.

I keep trying to persuade her a little more each day, but she's as stubborn as a bull and I don't think I'll get through to her.

She's aware that I'm paranoid, so she offered to call me every hour to keep my mind at ease, which I agreed to. It's been hard leaving her at home, but I figured that way she can have a bit of time to herself to figure out that war that's always going on in her pretty little head.

She's so pretty. I love looking at her.

She doesn't realize how beautiful she is, either. It drives me insane because she's so damn beautiful. I haven't seen anyone like her.

From her big brown eyes, to the dark curls that fall from her head, to the sound of her voice- it's all so perfect.

I didn't know people like her existed. I thought all of this talk about love was bullshit, but I believe in it a little more everyday. I'm not sure that's what it is; love.

I couldn't begin to understand what love really is, or what it would mean to me, but Jude is definitely the closest I'll get to that.

There are things that I love about her- hell, there's nothing I don't love about her- I'm just not sure if I'm in love with her. I don't know if she could ever be in love with me.

I know we're both kind of fucked in the emotion department, with me barely having any and her hating admitting to having any, but I think this might be good for both of us. I think we can help each other in ways that we didn't know we could.

At least that's how I feel about her. She's helped me so much, and she hasn't even realized it. She helps me see things from a different perspective everyday, and I quite enjoy looking through the kaleidoscope that is her brain.

Today has been a slow day at work, and I'm anxious to go home. I just got off of the phone with Jude, so I know she's okay, but I want to see her.

There hasn't been many field assignments lately, and the ones we've had have been going to my employees, instead of me just taking them myself. I've been hesitant about going out in the field since everything has happened with the security threats. I know it's likely someone on the inside causing this, but I don't want to take any chances.

Before I met Jude, I couldn't care less about my own safety. It didn't matter as long as the job got done. But now that I have her, I can't risk anything. I don't want her going back to her family because I know she'll end up dead or in jail, and she deserves way more than that.

She deserves more than I can offer, but I'm too selfish to admit it. She's shown me more kindness that anyone else in my life.

No one is entitled to kindness from anyone, I learned that a long time ago, but she makes it her mission to treat everyone she meets with as much kindness as possible, and I admire that. I admire so much about her.