New To This

Hot Chips

I roll my eyes and pass her the napkin which she takes with a smile. When I see my mom about to speak again I blurt out, "We know you've been seeing," I stop and look at the ground to let out a cough. "We know about dad."

Bree's eyes go wide while some of the muffin top crumbs fall onto the napkin. I stare at my feet and run my hands through my dreads before looking up at my mom's face. It's blank and her eyes are replicas of Bree's, I guess now she knows how I felt seeing her in front of Lucas's building.

Her mouth forms into the shape of an o, but nothing comes out. We all look from one another, and the only noise is Bree chewing that damn muffin top. I want to keep just staring at my feet, but I look back at mom and she remains stoic. Her face reminds me of that day I found her in the bathroom, and I've already spent the night at Lucas's so I can't go running to him now.

Finally she begins to speak. "How did you-"

Bree takes a sip of her coffee and stares right into mom's eyes. "Zi saw you outside Lucas's building." Mom turns to me with the same blank look and she doesn't look like herself, but Angela as tears are slowly about to spill from her eyes.

She reaches from my hand, but I move away. "Umm I gotta go do something," I say and get up.

"Zi, I'm sorry let me explain baby," mom practically cries. Tears aren't coming down her face, but I can see the pain in her eyes just like when he left. Shit, I wanna be with her and make her feel better like I did when I was a child, but I can't. I know she's my mom, but looking at her face all I can think about is shit I don't wanna think about, and I can't, I just can't. Bree follows my lead and gets up from her stool which I don't want. I may not want her to be with mom right now, but I don't want her to be sitting here alone. Then again Bree is hurt too.

"I gotta," Bree starts to walk away and searches for an excuse to leave. "Take a fat shit." My mom doesn't pay her any mind and buries her head in her palms.

We both walk up the stairs really slowly and I turn to Bree. "Couldn't come up with anything better?"

Bree nudges me in the arm, and I catch myself before almost stumbling. "Shut up 'I gotta go do something,' that sounded like you were excusing yourself to use up all the lotion."

"Get your mind out of the gutter," I say and we both go into our rooms.

I sit in my desk chair and open my phone to look at the picture of Daya before going  to text her. Usually she texts me first cause she wakes up early, but today there's nothing, and I may sound like a bitch when I say this, but I need her. I send her a goodmorning text, and stare at my phone waiting for those three dots. She's probably working out, writing, or watching Sawyer, and she doesn't have time for my ass. I throw my phone on my desk and pick my sketchbook off of my bed.

I haven't got much done in the book since Sofia's portrait, but I flip to the gravestone drawing and pull out the pen I've been keeping in the back pocket of my playboy pants that I'm still wearing. Quickly and with my hand shaking I write in the middle of the gravestone completing the whole picture. Corey Daniels is dead to whomever it may concern, it reads and unlike every other one of my art pieces I don't feel one ounce of pride looking down at the stone that could be real. I throw the sketchbook on my bed and check my phone. No messages, gosh I need Daya or weed.

After some hours without getting any messages or calls from Daya I go to boxing and stop talking and just spend my time face to face with a punching bag. I'm in the middle of a natural combination when the guy next to me turns and looks at me like this is some group activity.

"Damn you got a lot of stuff to get out," He says. He has one of those smiles that says he talks to everyone he knows which is not the time I'm on.

"Nah I'm cool," I say. I'm not like those people who use the punching bag as therapy it's just a workout.

The guy's smile seems to actually get bigger. "Ok man, ok," He says and continues doing half way jumping jacks like he's in 7th grade p.e. I just continue punching and punching hitting the bag harder every time.

When I get home mom is gone and obviously at work while Bree is wherever she is. I shower and change and when I sit down on my bed I wanna smoke so bad, but instead I grab Daya's shoes that are next to mine and go downstairs. Along with my other unanswered text I text her telling her I'm coming over to drop her shoes off, and I stare at the motionless screen for 5 minutes before driving off.

I get to Daya's place pretty quickly and I don't see her dad's car as I park in an open parking space. I look at Daya's messages and there is still nothing from her, but again she has things to do and can't always be bothered by me. I'm sure she's fine.

I go up to her apartment carrying the shoes and knock on the door. The only thing I can hear from the side of the door is Sawyer mumbling constantly. The door swings open, and I'm quite indifferent to see Kayla standing in front of me smiling.

"Oh you must be Ziyah, Daya's boyfriend, we haven't met I'm Kayla," she says. She holds out her hand and I shake it. I lowkey forgot this women even existed in Daya's life.

"Yeah nice to meet you," I say shaking her head. Unlike her husband she has quite a soft handshake.

"Kay Kay who is that good looking dreadhead," a woman's voice booms from inside the apartment.

Kayla looks back. "Taken and too young for you," she says then looks back at me. "I'm doing my sister's hair right now, and Daya actually is at her mom's this weekend." Shit, I also forgot that Daya normally goes with her mom on the weekends, and her staying with her dad was just something temporary. I need to keep up.

"Oh I just wanted to drop her shoes off?" I say holding up the shoes.

Kayla's smile gets bigger and she puts one of her hands over her heart. "Oh those are so cute!" she squeals.

The woman in the chair in the middle of the room with half of her hair pressed turns to look at Kayla and I. "Kayla you want some hot chips? I want some hot chips," she yells.

Kayla's smile goes away. "No Marie."

Marie doesn't stop yapping though. "You sure you used to always love hot chips, now you have a baby and a husband and you don't, what's up with that." She rolls her whole neck around and looks at us. "I tell ya, bitches always switch up when they get that ring," Marie says more to herself. 

Kayla rolls her eyes. "I like hot chips," she says tiredly then goes back to looking at me.

She takes the shoes, and I wanna ask her about Daya, but I just end up being nice and saying have a nice day to her and Marie who I hope gets her hot chips just like I hope Daya likes her shoes.