A Change of Heart

"He intimidates Jos." "Oh wow, he's that bad?"

Roni-

"I guess we better dye the rest of it," Jos says while playing with my hair, I shrug. "If you're up to it, I mean Randy said I should," I admit and she chuckles, braiding the bottom of it so it'll be out of our way.

"How was work though? Did you find out about the fraternization policy?" She asks, my heart hurts at the thought. "There's a no relational fraternization, but he basically said he can't stop us unless there's proof or complaints. He basically asked me to be careful because I'm so blessed to have this opportunity and a guy should never compromise it." I go through this speech once again, she hums behind me.

"Which, what gets me is that he guessed Ryan and me before any other words came out of my mouth! Like is it that obvious?"

"It literally is as in your face as the color of your hair."

"Oh wow, that obvious?"

"I mean, if your boss notices it, it's pretty obvious."

I sit quietly for a second as she lathers lightener onto the top section of my hair, she was humming the tune of one of the songs LANY had shown her, it was her favorite off of their album.

"So are you more upset that he blatantly called your ass out or that he's right. You already know that he's mostly right, so I'm not gonna beat it out of you. However, I have mixed emotions about that and I'm sure that's why you're being so quiet too." She spouts randomly, I shrug because I usually don't recognize my true emotions until she slaps me in the face with a deeper version of my feelings.

"Continue, please."

"I think you're upset because even if he's right about the part of having an amazing opportunity, he's wrong about how you choose to let anything get in between. I think you're upset that he doubts your true love for this job and how he thinks you'll be dumb enough to sacrifice it. What's the point of having an amazing job and coworkers if you can't enjoy a better aspect of it? I mean you became so close to them without it affecting your work experience every day? So why is it that you catching feelings is so wrong to the company? When did caring about the company become more important than who's working in it." She just goes on a whole rant, but it was true to my heart.

I mean I agreed, is it so wrong of me to believe that I seem like the kind of person who would give up my dream for a boy? I mean I love all of them, but I wouldn't let them stop me. Does it just hurt to be perceived as someone who doesn't want this job over a fucking guy?

"What ticks me off for you, is that you can be boy crazy and all, but you're more than that. You can be obsessed with the thought of love, but not once in our years of friendship have I ever seen that stop you. You had your shit rocked when George dumped you and Matty used you, but you pushed through to be here in Nashville. To work for Randy and do a job you're just barely qualified for but you had just enough fucking talent to pursue it, that speaks volumes. So why question you? Why fucking warn you?" She clamors, I jump a little at her angry tone towards the end, but nevertheless, I was touched.

"You're 100% right and once again, I'm impressed at your intense talent of knowing me so well." I chuckle and she combs her fingers through my hair.

"Well, it just pisses me off and I know you're gonna just shell yourself up about it, so I'll be mad for the both of us."

"You don't have to be upset for me, I'm okay. It's just that it hurts and I'm just trying to make sense of it. It's no one's fault and it's a future that hasn't even happened yet. I understand where he's coming from, so that's where I stop, ya know? I just don't know how to move forward after I've processed all sides." I admit and she sucks in some air before walking around in front of me.