vivesco | inazuma eleven ficlets [very slow updates]

[six.] dancing in this world alone

[ dancing in this world alone ]

. . .

headcanon
shirou, going off
the deep end

. . .

ALONE. The word, the emotion behind it, the suffering it brought to him.

He has always hated the word. It sounded harsh, cold like the winter air, and lonely. Absolutely lonely.

Still, he closes his eyes, mutters it, and he's back in Hokkaido, so many years ago, stuck underneath the freezing snow, watching them lay motionless in the car. Suddenly, he's shaking them, starting with the one to his left—the one with peach-colored hair—calling their names, trying to wake them up, until his strained voice dissipates into a quiet sob.

At first, he thought it was all a dream, one that didn't feel too sweet. He was reeling through a sophisticated maze. He made himself believe that. He wanted to believe that.

He believed that until he held his brother's ice cold hand, until the irritating smell of gasoline filled his nose, until the sound of deafening sirens were blurred out by the painful tone of someone screaming. It took him a while to realize it was his own voice.

It must've started there. On that very day, where a great victory came to him. To his brother. To his family. Only to be followed by a traumatizing tragedy. The avalanche, the storm, the accident, Death and the lives it took.

It was terrifying. It's the first time he's ever felt alone.

Not a day goes by where he doesn't think of the sneaky grin on his twin's face. Not a day goes by where he doesn't think of his mother's lovely, singing voice within the bare walls of his home. Not a day goes by where he doesn't think of the smell of his father's favorite cup of coffee at dawn.

Shirou isn't scared of being alone. He is scared of sleeping at night, only to wake up drenched in his own sweat and tears. He is scared of seeing things that remind him of his family. He is scared of dying. He is scared of growing old, lonely and cold, just as he was on the day his family died.

If only, if only, if only, if only, if only... Oh, if only he could turn back time.

He wants his parents back, along with all the happiness and memories.

He wants his brother back, and the ones they had. Where all they think about were soccer, hot cocoa during a blizzard, sharing beds like little kids.

He wants to laugh with them again, until their ribs hurt so bad.

If only, if only, if only, if only, if only... Oh, if only he could turn back time.

He'd tell them he loved them. He'd take care of them. He'd protect them. He'd spend more time with them. He'd never fight with them. He'd support them.

If only, if only, if only, if only, if only... Oh, if only Fubuki Shirou could turn back time.

But still, somehow, that will never be enough.

〆

[l.] - you can't fathom how much one has mourned for their loved ones.