My Beloved

Violet

He was always my favorite.
His laugh, his smile, his charisma.
Everything about him was magnificent.
He wasn't anything like the others.
I guess in a way, that's how I wound up dead.
I just couldn't resist him.

I remember the day I died like it was yesterday.
Conveniently enough, it was yesterday.
I was always of the opinion that when you die, that's the end.
I guess I was wrong.

I thought it would be the first day of the rest of my life.
How wrong was I.
I guess we should go over the details of the day I died, huh?

It was an ordinary Saturday in my small hometown of Lions Brooke, South Africa.

Lions Brooke is the kind of place old people move to when they're ready to die.
I wanted nothing more than to escape the dull, grey town after I finished high school.
I guess my wish was granted.

I woke up to find my fat tabby cat Merlin sleeping peacefully on my bed.
Merlin is what one would call clingy.
I loved him to death.
Well, I guess now I love him in death.

The first thing I did was reach for my cellphone.
They tell you not to sleep with your cellphone close to you, because of the radiation.
I figured that I was going to die one day anyway, regardless of radiation poisoning.

Three new texts.

Each one from him.

Good morning!
You there?
Ugh, I guess not.

I didn't respond immediately.
I left him on read and I went down to the kitchen.

Mom, dad and my younger sister Caroline were already eating breakfast.

Blueberry pancakes.
Mom's speciality.

"Good morning, Violet." Mom had said sarcastically as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

I was not a morning person.

"Good morning, mother." I sighed.

Looking back on it now, if I could turn back the clock, I would hug my mom for hours.

Caroline was my polar opposite.
While she joyfully ate her pancakes, I sullenly sipped my coffee.
While she loaded her Rooibos tea up with lemon slices and honey, I drank my coffee black and sugarless.
Caroline was two years younger than me and innocent enough to believe that life was simple.
When I was sixteen like Caroline is now, I wasn't anything like her.

Caroline and I used to argue like crazy people when I was alive, if I could turn back the clock, I would tell her that I love her.

Being dead is worse than being alive, if you ask me.
At least when you're alive, you can rectify your regrets.
When you're dead, your legacy is complete and unchangeable.
My legacy is being a bitch.

"Look at this, Violet." Dad had said to me, pointing at an article in the newspaper about cats for adoption.
Merlin was my baby, I would never have gotten another cat.

If I could turn back the clock, I would smile at dad and tell him that the article is cute.

"I bet they have fleas." I said cynically.

"Merlin isn't perfect, you know?" Caroline had interjected.
Caroline wasn't very fond of Merlin and he wasn't very fond of her.
I hope she'll take good care of him now that I'm gone.

"He's an angel." I had hissed.
Caroline simply rolled her eyes at me.

"You got any plans today, Violet?" Mom had asked me.

Usually Saturday evenings I would go out with my friends.

Sometimes I would meet him.

Sometimes I would do both.

I hadn't made any plans for the day.
I didn't need to.
He was my beloved and I was his.
We would find each other.

"Maybe." I shrugged.

Mom and dad trusted me.
They hardly ever asked me where I went.
If they ever did I told them that I was an adult and that it was none of their business.

If only I could turn back the clock.

I spent the rest of the day hauled away in my bedroom with Merlin.
I burrowed myself under the blankets on my bed and Merlin snuggled up with me.

I fell in and out of sleep until the sun began to set.
Once the sun went down, I got up.
I showered and made myself look pretty for him.
I spent an hour doing my hair and another hour doing my makeup.
I wanted to look perfect.

We had a special meeting spot.

A field beyond a small, dirty pub.

The field itself was beautiful.
Anyone would be able to fall in love there.
The trees pave the way to our special spot at the edge of the field.
The spot that overlooks the entire town and beyond.

He met me at our special spot.
Something was different about him.
He talked differently, he smelt different, he acted differently.
He was an entirely different person.

I guess I don't have to tell you the rest of it.