Losing My Way (A Brian May fanfiction)

Innuendo

"So you're afraid of it happening again." I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. "I understand."

"Do you?"

"You know I'd never force you to do something you didn't want to do. I didn't ask you to do those things with me."

"Exactly... you didn't. I did it all on my own, and I have only myself to blame."

"Can I tell you how I felt?" He asked gently. I nodded, unsure if I was ready to hear what he would say.

"Kissing you was... Well, I figured I must be the luckiest guy in the world. I felt the same thing when I saw you watching me play during the show. I thought- my god, I hope she thinks I'm doing any good!" He laughed. "And when I got to talking to you, I found it curious to see such a beautiful woman being so nervous and timid. It was quite adorable. I really just wanted to break you out of your comfort zone, have a chat over the phone, maybe convince you to go out on a date with me... but what you did was something I least expected from you."

I gulped. "I thought that's what you were getting at when you talked about 'pushing boundaries'."

"My god, no... I mean- I'm not saying I didn't enjoy every second of it- because frankly, I've been thinking about it ever since, but I didn't mean anything dirty with those suggestions. Really I just wanted you to take a chance on me, because god knows you're way out of my league."

Well now I just feel terribly stupid.

"I guess I took your words in whatever way I wanted." I admitted. "Honestly, I've been having issues in that area... I've been feeling quite tempted."

"Oh really?" He sounded intrigued.

"Yeah... I know it's wrong, but I'm just so curious... I've imagined how different things would feel for so long now, and I always promised myself to never act on anything. Obviously I can't trust myself to hold back anymore."

"Why do you feel it's so wrong for you to do those things?"

"I'm a catholic." I cringed. "I'll go to hell."

"Do you really believe that?" 

I shrugged. "Either way, it's just wrong. Young girls shouldn't be out having sex, or out kissing and rubbing up against strangers for that matter. Or drinking... or wearing revealing clothing... or listening to rock and roll." I couldn't help but laugh at myself.

Brian chuckled. "I think it's safe to say we aren't exactly strangers anymore. And for what it's worth, I think you're much too hard on yourself."

I smiled. I felt a lot better after talking to Brian about what happened. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing for Diana to have invited him after all.

"Can I ask you something?" I was feeling brave.

"Anything."

I finally turned to him. He looked so huge sitting on the tiny barstool, it was almost comical.

"You said you thought of asking me to go out on a date with you..."

He nodded, a smile forming on his face. Ugh, does he have to be so ridiculously handsome? It really wasn't helping me out.

"Can this be it? Tonight?" I asked. I didn't know how often I'd get the chance to see Brian in the future- let alone go out on a date with him.  Now was a decent enough opportunity.

"Well, I would've taken you somewhere nicer, but yes if you want it to be, it's a date then!" He said.

"Okay," I blushed. There was a happy, awkward silence between us then were we both didn't seem to know what to do or say next. I still couldn't believe Brian was actually interested in me, even going as far  as to believe I was out of his league. Honestly, I felt  the same about him- I had no idea what made him even take a passing glance at me in the hallway last week.

"That bloke could really do with seeing a dentist," Roger returned to the table, balancing three drinks precariously in his hands. He passed one to Brian and a different one to me. "I didn't know what you got before so I just ordered you what we get."

"Thank you Roger." I smiled at him, hoping to make up for my previous coldness. I took a sip from the glass, which was filled with a brown liquid and some ice- before choking from the burn in my throat. "My goodness, what is this?"

"Whiskey," Roger exploded into laughter. "I'm sorry, I know it's not really a girly drink."

"Are you trying to get my friend smashed, darling?"  Diana returned from the loo, giving me a cautious glance. I smiled and nodded at her, letting her know I forgave her already. She looked relieved.

"Just trying to keep the spirits up," Roger pulled Diana's small frame into his lap. He then buried his face into her dark hair, whispering something in her ear before planting a kiss on her neck.

"Babe! You're so naughty," Diana gushed, turning to whisper something back to him.

Brian and I exchanged a humorous glance at our friends' behavior- though I secretly wished I could be doing the same thing with him.

Then, the moment finally came for the live music to begin as a crew started to set up the stage. The whole room kind of meandered toward the front, waiting for Black Sabbath to come out.

"Shall we get closer?" Diana asked the group. "I'm in the mood to dance."

"I like that idea." Roger instantly agreed, helping my friend up to her feet. They didn't even stop to see if we were following behind them before they skipped away together.

"They're something else," Brian laughed, shaking his head.

"It's actually quite entertaining," I said. "She seems really happy with him."

"So should we uh.." he gestured to the forming crowd.

"Yeah let's go," I scooted off the barstool.

"I'm not really a dancing guy, just so you know." He told me while we walked toward our friends. "I can slow dance, but I can't really move to anything faster."

"It's okay, we don't have to dance together." I giggled. I couldn't imagine Brian dancing at all, with his lanky limbs he'd probably take someone's eye out.

"You're really good though."

"At dancing?"

"Yeah, and probably everything else." He said. My eyes widened, and I took another sip from my glass as an excuse not to talk back.

"Sorry I meant- I didn't mean it like that." He looked down at his feet.

"It's okay," there was still an awkwardness between us, and I didn't know exactly how to break it. It didn't help that I was still taking everything he said in a sexual way. I just couldn't help it though, it seemed to be the only thing on my mind.

Finally, the band came out on stage and everyone in the building cheered for them. They almost looked like cavemen, apart from the lead singer who had a more clean-shaven look. Even though Brian didn't like to dance, I still had full plans to- just by myself. And as the music started, I started.