Seeing You Seeing Me

His Blackout

I saw Brent lying on the ground. I instantly took my hands off Riley's wheel chair and shook Brent.
"Brent?!" I said. "Brent?!" I yelled.
I tried taking his neck pulse. It was still there. His eyes were closed and he was looking pale.
I ran inside and got my mom.
She ran out and got her phone out. She called 911.
"Hello, can we please get an ambulance?"

I held Brent's face with my hands and I could see that Riley was crying in her chair.
"Alex, is he okay?" She said, sniffling.
"It's okay, Riley."

As the ambulance arrived, I saw the paramedics coming out of the back and picking Brent's limp body on to a stretcher. I covered my mouth and felt tears falling from my eyes. My head started to hurt and my stomach dropped.
I hugged my mom tight and cried into her shirt.

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Riley had to stay home with our stepdad. I now sat in my moms small car in the passenger seat. She was driving as fast as she possibly could.
I stared out the window and wiped a new tear away.
"You are really good friends with Brent, aren't you?" My mom asked.
"Yeah," I said, taking a deep breath. "I don't know. I don't even know how. I just am."
"He's so kind. Doing all this for your sister. It's incredible really."
"I know. I'm as shocked as you are. It's unbelievable to me. I didn't want to accept it at first but he was set on helping Riley, and how could I say no to that mom?"
"You don't. Because it's him showing a random act of kindness."
"But this was more than an act of kindness. He raised money. He helped buy things for her. And he made her laugh, mom."
"He's a special boy."
We sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Are you happy with Richard, mom?" I asked her.
"Am I happy?" She repeated. "Well, Yeah. I'm stable with him. He makes me happy. But he will never be like your dad. Your dad was something else."
"He was. Except he cheated on you," I added.
"Yes, and I'll never forgive him for that, especially leaving you and Riley. Saying he couldn't deal with a sick kid. Jesus, Alex, he really was a dumb person sometimes."
"But I remember when we'd have movie nights just you, him, and I. Those were the best kind of nights."
"Love is difficult, Alex. Because you start out fresh and you just need to find the one. But it's so easy to be tricked and then you don't know what to do. I'm so happy I have you and Riley. And Richard really makes things better around here. I do appreciate how much he worries about Riley."
"Worries? He's so annoying. He doesn't let me talk to Riley for more than 10 minutes. We are supposed to treat Riley normally so she can feel normal, and then we have this weirdo over here making sure I don't talk to her? She loves talking to me more than anyone else."
"I know. But he's just overprotective. He seriously cares about both of you guys."

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When we got Brent's room number, I ran in with my mom. I sat down next to the bed and looked at his face.
It was pale, and his eyes were closed. He had cords all hooked up to him and there was a drip connected to him. There was a monitor beeping for his heart rate.
"Brent, oh my god," I said out loud.
My mom looked at him and shook her head.
I held his face in my hands and I started to cry. "Brent? Brent please."
And I held one of his limp, frail hands.
I looked at him and thought of Riley.
"Brent, I know I was weird. I know it was weird of me to be watching you. I wasn't stalking you. I was just watching you. Because you interested me. You had this mysterious feeling around you and I just wondered what it would be like to talk to you. And then... and then when you told me you'd help my sister get out and experience the world, I was beyond grateful. I didn't know if it was to get some bonus points in the good world, or if you were bored, or if you seriously just wanted to help her. And I couldn't understand why. But now here you are, lying in a hospital bed, and you look close to death, that same tired heavy look of your eyelids that Riley has when she's sleeping."
My mom was looking at me, and she nodded for to keep going.
"What I'm trying to say is I never fully understood you, but I-"
Brent slowly opened his eyes and gave me a faint smile.
My mom gasped, and gave me a thumbs up. "I'm going to get some water."

"Alex?" He said quietly.
"Brent!" I said happily. "Oh my god. Brent."
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry I never told you."
"What didn't you tell me?" I asked him, squeezing his hand.
"I had stage 2 brain cancer. I was diagnosed a few months before I met you at the cafe."
"I had no clue."
"But it's gotten worse over time. I'm at stage 4 now. And I don't know if I'm gonna get worse or better. I feel like shit."
I was crying more and I wiped a few pieces of hair out of his face.
"Brent, why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you. I could've done something-"
"I didn't want you to pull attention to me. I didn't think it mattered. I wanted to focus on your sister. When you told me she had cancer, I knew instantly that I had to make sure she actually lived before she couldn't anymore."
I was in awe. I knew I was crying way more than I needed to be.
"Can I come beside you?" I asked him.
He nodded, and I climbed up into his bed and lay next to him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and looked up at the ceiling. I then buried my face into his scratched neck and sobbed. And I didn't hold anything back.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled.
"Why are you sorry?" I sobbed.
"I should've told you. I let you not be able to do anything to help me. And now you're hurt inside. And it was a shit move."
"No, no. I just...."
I kept crying, and then I looked up into his eyes. His eyes looked tired and dull, but there still was a light shine to them.
"I should've done a lot of things already, but I'm always scared. I'm such an idiot. And..."
And I saw him slowly leaning his face towards me. And all I could feel was his soft breathing falling onto my face. And then, he kissed my lips.

If felt cold, but warm at the same time. We seemed stuck there for a while, and as he kissed me, I felt the pain slowly leave my body for some time. I felt his love and I felt all his feelings. And I wrapped my arms around him tighter.
"I love you Alex," he whispered into my ear. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
I cried as he wrapped his frail arms around my body. We both lay our heads down as he slowly closed his eyes.
And the kiss, even though his lips weren't locked on to mine anymore, was still lightly there. The taste of cigarette smoke and a bit of mint. And I knew that I would never taste that same taste ever again.
As I closed my eyes along with him, I heard the heart monitor getting faster and then beeping loudly at one pace. And I cried what was left of me.
Because I loved Brent, and I loved every time I had ever seen him.