Seeing You Seeing Me

Her Unbeknowing

There was one time we decided to take Riley to see some dolphins swimming in the cove near the beach.
We had planned it all out.
Just before I left to go to Alex's house, my father stopped me. He was sitting on the couch, and he was watching TV.
"Son, light me a Marlboro, will you?"
I stopped in my tracks, found the box of cigarettes, and took one out. I took his old, grey lighter and flicked it on. I lit up the end of the smoke and had a puff. I handed it to him and he shoved it in his mouth.
"Where are you off to?"
I stared at him, removing the cigarette from his mouth and blowing out smoke.
"I'm going to a friends house."
"Ah."
I nodded and was about to go out, when he stopped me again.
"You know I love you right, son?"
I gulped and nodded. "I love you too."
But it wasn't true. I wanted it to be true.
I wanted to have a dad who loved me, and a dad who loved back. I wanted to have a dad that would take me out on a nice boat and sail across the waves, or a dad that would throw a ball to me and I could throw it back.
"Your mom's a bitch for leaving us. She'll be running back soon. My sister could care less about her."
I nodded. All I could do was stand where I was and wait.
"I listened to my messages on my phone. Your principal called. Said you punched your friend Tony or something."
"I punched Trevor because he was being a dick. I could care less. I got suspended for a day, it wasn't a big deal dad."
"You can't go around punching people because they don't act how you want them to act."
"Well, I'm sorry. If someone would talk to me and help me deal with that stuff, maybe I'd learn to control myself."
"Get out son."
And so I slammed the door and started walking to Alex's house.
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As soon as we had got Riley ready, we left the house and started walking. But all of a sudden,
I felt different. I felt dizzy. I felt light headed. My head started to pound and my feet gave out. My eyes closed as I fell to the ground.
I could hear the mumbling of Alex trying to talk to me. She started yelling and I couldn't tell her that it would be okay. I could hear Riley crying, and I told my body to get up, but it wouldn't listen.
It got really black, and all of a sudden, all I could hear was a quiet hum.