To Lose or to Gain: Iroh's Child (AtlA Fanfic)

Frustrations

Not learning Firebending was frustrating.

In the back of Zuko's mind, he knew Azula was ahead of him. The fact she was younger constantly made the situation sting even more. The amount of time spent simply working on the basics wasn't that long of a time, yet Zuko still felt frustrated.

Every so often he asked, but every so often he found himself shut down. Unlike Ozai, there was no ill will involved, yet being told still...

Zuko let out a sigh while he sat at the table waiting for Akira and Hideki to arrive. Waiting meant thinking about the long wait, or what felt like a long wait. Waiting, in all honesty, wasn't a very fun past time, yet there he was waiting.

"You look like you're down in the dumps."

Akira's voice made Zuko's head dart up, but his demeanor quickly brightened at seeing his two companions. "I'm fine."

The older boy's mouth twisted slightly. "Are you?"

Hideki glanced first at Akira, then at Zuko. "I think Akira's right. I mean, something seemed to be bothering you when we arrived." A silence fell over the three, none of the boys wanting to speak first. Hideki finally sighed. "I think - although I'm not really sure of this whole thing - part of our job as companions is that we're supposed to be your confidants."

"What Hideki is trying to say - and he's right about this - is that we're you're companions. That means you should be able to confide in us."

"I see." Zuko took a deep breath. "I've not practiced Firebending since grandfather placed me in Lu Ten's old room." He didn't see Akira's facial features twist-up slightly.

Hideki went with the flow of things, not picking up on anything out of the ordinary regarding what Zuko said. "Not even the basics?"

"I've simply done breath control. Uncle Iroh is having me learn to play the tsungi horn to help with that."

"I see. I guess that would help with breath control." Hideki turned his head towards Akira. "Maybe you could teach Prince Zuko something?"

"I don't know." The look on Akira's face made Zuko suck in his breath. Akira looked him in the eye. "It's not that I don't want to, but this is General Iroh we're talking about. I'm sure he has his reasons, but I also don't want to interfere with his plans given I don't want to mess them up."

"Oh." Zuko's mouth twisted slightly. "So, what are we going to do today."

Hideki's mouth twisted slightly. "Honestly, I don't know. Let me think."

Zuko glanced at Akira, hoping he might have a suggestion, yet he saw the older boy's face twist slightly. "What?"

"Zuko, you mentioned you've not practiced Firebending beyond the basic breathing since Fire Lord Azulon placed you in the late Prince Lu Ten's room, right?"

The young prince froze, realizing he'd slipped up. Hideki glanced up at Akira. "Why is that important?"

"The other day, do you remember how I felt it seemed like Prince Ozai favored Princess Azula?"

Hideki let out a deep breath. "Come on?"

"I don't think I should talk about this." Zuko glanced at the ground.

"Because we would get in trouble?"

"Wait." Hideki took a deep breath. "What am I missing?"

Zuko's mouth twisted. He wasn't sure if he should say anything regarding their family circumstances, particularly when his grandfather asked for him to remain mum. If the circumstances got out, something told him this would cause problems for everyone in the family.

"You becoming the esteemed prince was the Fire Lord's decision, not Prince Ozai's, wasn't it?"

Zuko let out a sigh, then looked at the ground. "I'm not supposed to say."

"Well, I take that as a yes, but that also tells me this is something the Fire Lord doesn't want getting out. That said, we're supposed to be your companions, so you should be able to trust us with something like this - that we won't say anything to anyone."

"Yes. We won't. That would mean bringing dishonor to the position we've been given. Our loyalty is to you."

"I'm guessing there is more to this." Akira's statement wasn't one Zuko wanted to answer. "That said, tell us when you're ready. You're supposed to be able to trust us as we're your companions, but if you're not sure of this, you can always ask General Iroh if it's okay. If he says no, then he says no."

"Okay." Zuko let out a deep breath. "What are we going to do today?"

"We're in the gardens, so why don't we play hide and seek. My dad said the royal gardens are good for this."

Zuko's mouth twisted in confusion. "How..."

"He was friends with Lu Ten, remember?"

"Akira's it!" Hideki took off, leaving Zuko baffled. His eyes blinked, while Akira looked at him, his own mouth twisting slightly.

"You've never played."

"Well..." Except he had played. That wasn't the problem he was facing right now.

"Look. I'm going to go count to ten. You need to go and hide, okay?"

"Um. Yes." Zuko glanced in the direction Hideki took off in. "Was he supposed to take off already?"

"Well, no. This isn't tag. We'll play that next time." Akira turned his back on Zuko, covering his eyes as he did so. "I'm going to start counting to ten now. Go hide."

Zuko swallowed, before hurrying off. In the back of his mind, he knew he'd played the game before - he'd played it in a part of the garden he was far more familiar with than this particular place. The lack of familiarity didn't stop the anxiety from rising, or his mind from hearing Azula's voice purposefully counting and taunting him.

Quickly, he ducked behind a bush and cowered down, closing his eyes. The it was always Azula, nor did she hesitate in hurting him physically in some manner, typically pinching him painfully, but later on sticking her flame right into his face. As such, the few times he did find himself playing said game he, in fact, found himself learning to hide for longer and longer.

However, he didn't know the hiding places in this garden area. Zuko buried his face into his knees, his arms wrapping around his legs. He whispered to himself. "Azula always lies. Azula always lies."

He lost track of how much time passed, yet didn't see Akira approach or call out his name. He did, however, sense Akira reach his hand out for his shoulder, but he reacted by pulling away, back peddling away from the older boy. "Azula! Don't..."

Zuko looked up at the older boy, feeling like an utter fool. Akira's mouth twisted slightly. "Hey. It's okay."

"It's not. I..." Zuko glanced down.

"Azula's not here, but I won't tell Hideki."

"Tell him what?" Zuko felt confused.

"I think you know what I'm talking about. That said, we don't have to talk about that here, right now."

"What now." Zuko felt as if he'd messed up the game.

"We take things one step at a time. If you don't want to play hide and seek, then we don't have to, but since I found Hideki first, you're now it."

"Wait. You mean you're not it anymore?"

"Nope. You didn't know that the last person who's found is it?"

"No. Azula didn't play that way."

"Well, Hideki and I will teach you how to play right, but from now on I'll ask if you know the rules of the game, in case she made up some of her own."

Zuko, for some strange reason, felt better.