How To Love✓

38.

"I love her," I confess, "she's... she's my world, one of the most important things in my life. I don't know what a mother's pain feels like but I know you can relate to my statement Ms. Belle."

She chuckles, wiping away a few fresh tears with her handkerchief. "Well she's the most important thing to me, but yes, yes I understand dear. You're a gem." I felt touched.

"Well we heard from your Dean that you stayed here overnight and so we figured you were hungry. I hope you don't mind that we bought you food. We weren't sure if you were vegan or what, or if you prefer French food or... you know what, here's an oven toasted bread sandwich with cream and eggs and an expresso," Luke rambles, laughing at himself. I chuckle and accept the food and drink that he shoved in my hand.

"Very thoughtful of you. TOO thoughtful, but thank you," I smile upon acceptance.

"'So, have you heard anything from the doctors?" Hera asks, looking around.

I shake my head no. "Actually I'v-" I go to say but I heard my name being called for the second time.

"Well I didn't want to believe that you left, and I always know when to trust my gut," Dr. Hosein smiles, approaching the bunch.

"You'd have to call the police to remove me, because nothing was stopping me from leaving until I know she's awaken and well," I say confidently.

"I knew I liked you." She acknowledges Amara's parents and Cotton who were just standing and observing the conversation between the doctor and I. She briefly brought them up to speed with what transpired the night Amara was brought in and explained that the pulmonologist will join to give us updates in a moment. Shortly after, a tall, lanky man, clothed in a long white coat, probably in his 50's, approached us with a clipboard in his right hand.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Odin Henshaw, the pulmonologist," he introduces, shaking each of our hands.

Hera was the first to speak. "Tell us what's happening doctor. When can we see her?"

He clears his throat. "You'll be able to see her in a few hours. We ran an intubation, a process where we place a tube into her windpipe through her mouth, which is attached to a ventilator, to provide oxygen for her during the operation. She's also been given anesthesia just in case of any sign of movement during the surgery, which will take up to 6 hours for completion."

"Okay, so what did you find? Was her body low on treatment or anything?" Luke prompts.

Dr. Henshaw's gaze shift between us. "Her body is definitely low on medication, which possibly aided to one of her lungs collapsing. Her lung collapsed due to the fact that air was escaping and that same air kept filling the space outside of that area between the lung and chest wall. However, the primary reason for her seizure was because of the buildup of air which put pressure on her lung so it cannot expand as it normally does."

"Can her lung be restored in any way?" I chime in, not wanting to seem like I wasn't concerned.

"To be completely honest, a collapsed lung is very rare. H-h-h-her lung may be able to heal on its own, but this can take up to 1-2 weeks, without pneumothorax."

"Which is....?" I eye him harshly, hoping that he explains himself in English.

"Without surgery, sorry. Lucky that she arrived in time because this is the only way to ensure that her lung's structure and function is restored properly."

We all heave a sigh.

"How long will she be staying here?" Luke asks.

"The average amount of time to stay in the hospital with pneumothorax is up to 5-7 days. If you like, you can follow me to visit her in the operation room, but entering while the operation is undergoing will be unavailable unless required. Now I need to get a bit more information from you in regards to any kinds of drawbacks she previously had."

Luke and Hera follow Dr. Hosein and Dr. Henshaw to the front desk, while Cotton and I hanged back in the waiting room. This was the first time we've ever been alone together (I hope that didn't sound weird) and it definitely wasn't something I wanted to happen for a second time. Her bestfriend and her boyfriend, something you'd never expect to see transpire.

We both didn't know what to say or who should speak first. I avert my attention to the fresh baguettes they brought me and bit into one, melting as the pastry's good taste spread all over my mouth. I take a long sip of the espresso and close my eyes as the hot beverage hit the back of my throat and travel to my stomach.

"Tastes good huh?" I hear Cotton suddenly ask beside me. I side eye him and nod, downing another baguette.

"Man, you have no idea," I say through muffled tone.

He chuckles, crossing his hands over his legs. "I could tell by your body movement that you didn't get much sleep last night. You can go home if you want to."

"What, trying to get rid of me?" I question half-jokingly.

He shakes his head. "No it's just... you've sacrificed your time and sleep to be here. I know Amara will also agree when I say that you should go, just to ensure you get some rest. She wouldn't hate you."

I laugh at his statement, flicking my teeth. "Oh she hates me alright."

"But did she actually say the words 'I hate you' to your face?" he eyes me intently.

I stopped eating for a moment and give him all my attention. "So much shit has happened in 24 probably 48 hours. If she were awake right now she'd march over here and tell me off. She'd tell you herself that she wants nothing to do with me. I've hurt me but I never intended to. It was all an honest mistake and I don't think she would ever forgive me."

"Look man," he turns to face me and places a hand on my shoulder," Amara may seem tough but deep down she needs someone to remind her that life isn't so bad when you have someone to share it with. Sure you must've messed up, resulting in her being pissed at you, but that doesn't change the fact that she's really in love with you. True love hurts you know? But love is not just about being gentle and beautiful. It's about looking at the rough, ugly and still longing for the same person. Love is only perceived to be gentle and beautiful and that's why when things become a little difficult like it should and which is totally normal, it hurts. That's the beauty of love. You'll be hurt at times but​ that's how you know it's worth having. She needs you."

Listening to Cotton's advice made me reflect on all the past moments where other people have mentioned and explained the word "love" to me. I realise now that maybe it's okay to have people in your life and not everyone has bad intentions or perceptions.

"I never really say this often but... I appreciate your advice. I never knew I needed it until now. I'm glad that Amara is surrounded by all of this love. I don't know what people expect of me when it comes to our relationship but I will always try to give her my best," I know it may seem too good to be true but I really had some major decisions to make.

"Hey, would you mind giving me a ride back to campus?"

***

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