Mirror // Van McCann

15. Missing You

It was the weekend and I was so happy. My body was used to waking up early so I just laid in bed wondering if I should wake up or go back to sleep. I decided to just lay in bed and think. I didn't have much planned for the day. I was bummed I wouldn't see Van and Amy for two days. I had to admit they made my life interesting; I looked forward to seeing them. Without them, my life was just...boring.

I sighed, wondering what I was going to do today. The stress of not knowing got me out of bed. I prepared grandma's usual breakfast and packed it up. Just as I was about to leave, I saw a note from my mom on the fridge. I pulled the note off to read it.

Jess, can you go to the grocery store and buy these things for me? I'll see you tonight. x

I put the note in my pocket and headed out the door. It was a nice day out but it was slowly starting to get chilly. Fall was coming. I got in the car and drove to the nursing home.

Grandma was settling in nicely. She seemed happier at the nursing home than at the hospital. I think being with her friends and not constantly being bothered by the doctors and nurses is helping her heal. I watched as the physical therapist helped with her daily exercises.

Even though I would visit her almost everyday, she never acknowledged me as her granddaughter but she never thought I was her nurse either, so things could be worse. For her, I was just there. Someone who would always be in her life but she didn't know who I was and she never tried to remember me. Never once has she asked me for my name or who I was.

I had so much energy before but something happened and I never bother anymore. The photo album I would usually bring stayed at home instead. It's sad but it's a reality I have accepted. She will never remember me but I will always be a part of her life.

After visiting grandma for a few hours, I drove to the grocery store to buy the items my mom asked me to buy. The store was busy and I tried my best to navigate around the crowd. It seems like no matter what, I will always remember that time I went to the store with Amy. How was that only a few days ago? Thinking about Amy made me sad. I wonder what she's doing right now. Did she miss me like I missed her?

I passed the floral section and had to fight the urge to buy flowers. If I bought flowers every time I came here, I would be broke. I contemplated visiting their graves and seeing if the old lady would be there. Yes, that's a good idea.

I paid for the groceries and drove home. Did some chores around the house and studied for a couple hours. Once I was done, I decided to make the trek to the cemetery.

The old lady wasn't there to my disappointment. I tried to think back to when I last saw her and what time it was. I looked at my watch and saw that it was 4 PM. She usually goes to the cemetery around noon. I missed her hours ago. Bummed, I decided to make the most of my time by visiting Amy and Van's grave. The only good thing about not seeing the old lady is that she's not here to scold me for not bringing flowers.

I knelt down in front of Amy's grave and sat there for a few minutes paying my respects. The cemetery was empty except for a young woman who made her way towards a grave with yellow flowers in her hand. At first I didn't pay any attention to her but then I had to do a double take. She was around the general area of Van's grave. I watched as she knelt down to place the flowers on the ground.

Is that Van's girlfriend? She seems like the right age. But then again what was I thinking? I don't know anything about his girlfriend. I don't even know what she looks like and how old she is. All I know is that she has a baby but I don't see a baby with her. Also, I don't know if she's even at Van's grave. She could be visiting someone else for all I know. It's just my brain making up stories.