Maybe It's Been You All Along - Alex Turner

55

"Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new..."

  The last few months of the 'AM' tour seemed to drag on for years. Alex never once had a moment to sit back and fully recover from his and Rosanna's break up and found a coping mechanism in singing 'I Wanna Be Yours' at every show for her; as much as it hurt. He laid off the drinking a bit but would constantly find himself intoxicated and mourning over her. No matter how long ago it was.

  He hadn't heard anything about her, she didn't seem to call Matt anymore; at least not while Alex was around. He'd stopped crying every night and day over it and had learnt to accept that she'd left him but he never stopped missing her. Every day of his life. Every waking moment. His mind was on her.

Their final show of their tour felt like the end of a huge chapter in Alex's life. After the tour was over, he had to face the reality that she really was gone and he had to rebuild himself from it. No more shows and travelling to mask the pain burning within him. He was dreading heading back home to LA and living in that house. It had never felt more lonesome. He almost wanted to go back on tour immediately just so he had something to distract him, something to keep his mind focused on but all the other guys were very adamant on taking a bit of a break and focusing on their girlfriends and families after such a long and exhausting tour. They'd been on the road close to eighteen months and it had left them all satisfied yet drained. They were in no hurry to start touring once again. Everyone except Alex.

  They all had stable relationships, Jamie and Matt were both engaged now but Alex was still treating love like a game; and he was loosing. Badly. He was never going to be able to keep up with all his mates. They'd all grown up and matured but Alex was still making the mistakes of a teenager. The only thing that had ever made sense to him was Rosanna.

  The bed felt bigger now that he wasn't sharing it with anyone. It felt cold and empty as he lay his head for his first night off touring. Everything in the house felt like it was missing something. Someone.

  He hated everything about this new life he had to adjust to. He didn't know what to do with himself. It had been months since she left and he still couldn't even imagine being with another woman. When Alexa left him he thought a month of mourning was excessive, now that he looked back on it, it had nothing in comparison to that of loosing Rosanna. Matt was quite upset when Alex told him: "I could never love a woman the way I loved Rosanna. I can't stomach the idea of being with anyone else."

  "You never fail to amaze me Alex," Matt had told him, "you tell me she was the love of your life and now you can't stomach the idea of being with someone else but when you were with her you went and slept with another woman? You fucking wonder."

  Alex felt awful after hearing that. Matt was right. But as right as he was Alex physically could not fall for someone new. He was bound to Rosanna and rathered being alone the rest of his life than being with someone who wasn't her.

  He still had that letter in his pocket. Folded so the creases almost cut through the thin lined paper. He wasn't sure if he should still give it to her or if she would just toss it in the bin if he ever did. Alex just hoped she wasn't still hurting like he was because it was unbearable.

Sitting at the island bench in the seat Rosanna was sat at the day he returned home to her crying because of what he did, Alex smoothed our the sheets of folded paper and stared at his own handwriting. He thought it all typical of himself. The wording. The syntax. The lexical choice. It all screamed desperation and aching. It conveyed his emotions well but more so pushed him to do something a little more meaningful than just a letter. Alex found himself writing a song.

He found old messages he'd sent her while they were still together and incorporated his words into this ballad he was writing. He didn't have a tune, only the thought of writing to Rosanna fuelling him. He knew he was probably never going to be able to hand her that letter so instead, he hoped she'd hear this song and know he still loved her even if she was never coming back to him.