Existing (under editing)

Chapter 5*

   

I shot upright in bed. My chest heaving and my hands clutching at my blankets as my eyes failed to adjust quickly enough from the blindness of sleep. Mother! Father! I had almost shouted, but then everything came into view and I knew I was no longer in the dream.

The soft sheets of my big bed, where mother and father used to sleep, were now tangled all around me and I held tight to them. I had kept all the linen fresh and clean. Colours of burgundy and maroon in exotic patterns, with beads laced around bed spread, glittering in the morning light that was dulled by a soft sheet curtain that was draped across the large window that spanned the whole wall of the second story, single room of my cabin. This was my sanctuary up here, my place to be alone. This was where all my stuff stayed. I don't have much, barely any furniture stood in the room. There was a mirror and a set of draws full of straw for when I took in baby animals to raise when the mothers couldn't feed all her children. A whole litter of kittens had once stayed there to Pepper's dislike. But they had relocated when old enough near the fields full of wheat and barley, where they chased the field mice in an old run down barn. Over the other side of my room I kept my paints and favourite clothes organised and kept in an old oak wardrobe that was adorned with the carving of a lion at the top. Its lion's mane branched out in artistic swirls across the width. The craftsmanship was truly breathtaking. My most favourite thing about this room though, was how the tree trunk in the centre of the cold floorboards grows up and divides into many branches that escape up and out of the wooden roof of the cabin. This made the room always smell fresh, not stuffy from no air circulation. It was like the tree gave a natural respiration to the room.

I loved that short moment when you wake and you have no recollection or memory, the brief bliss. I rubbed at my eyes, wiping away the sand from sleep as I experienced this, then it all dawned upon me. I swept away the tears as quickly as they emerged. My body shook as I moaned inwardly, rocking back and forth trying to stay quite. But this was still my reality. No parents. I squeezed my eyes shut and then forced them to open wide, trying to see through the haziness my tears caused me. I began to become more stable and my breathing slowed. Just a dream Alma, just a dream...

The sun was starting to rise higher through the window curtain causing the shadows to shorten and the birds were starting to sing and tweet their good mornings. The world going as it did everyday... without my parents here to guide me as they once had. I gave a little sob. Scared that Pepper would hear me, or even the new boy. I had briefly forgotten about him but know I was glad he was there.

I curled back into the foetal position, hugging my knees into my chest, just hugging them. I let my own body warmth comfort me, pulling the covers over tight around me. How long had it been since I had real human contact? How long had I been alone? Why, out of over ten years, did these feelings and dreams arise? Why didn't my numbness last longer? I guess I had woken up to myself when Lucas arrived. Even before that when Pepper tried to engage in a one-sided conversation. I had been so scared and confused, even curious yesterday. Had it really been that long that I had forgotten how to speak? I was still gobsmacked at how I had let that happen. I had slowly started to succumb to my loss enough at an early age to stop speaking, just because I didn't want to be reminded of what I was. A human in this forest packed with animals. And now I desperately craved true human interaction. I could almost laugh at myself. I had let myself become mute. Although Pepper had always known what I was thinking, always cared and looked after me. But this boy brought on so many questions. Where did he come from? Why had someone finally found me? Where there more out there? Are mother and father out there? Many times before had I imagined the adventures of leaving my home, to go after them and lately I had become discouraged. Fear and excitement tingled at the pit of my stomach as I imagined what could possibly be out there.