Existing (under editing)

Chapter 11*

We sat in my room on my bed, just silent. After the news we hadn't known what to do. Lucas had stayed quiet for most but his eyes seemed troubled. I let him follow me around as I cleaned nervously, and then went to sit on my bed in my room. Lucas lay staring at the roof. I watched him as his eyes traced the long branches of my tree, from the trunk growing out from the second story floor up until you could no longer see the branches through cut outs in the roof. He had his long legs dangling off the side as I lay next to him. Any other time I would have laughed at how gigantic he felt next to me here but the mood did not fit. I looked around my room. Imagining what it would be like not to see it again. I'd miss my tree. How in the autumn it would shed its leaves all over the floor and I would pile the leaves up and jump into them, making leaf angles. Other things I would miss are the paintings. How every wall of my room was filled with images from my memories? But most I would miss this bed. The one thing that reminded me of mother and father most. When they had left me all I did for days was sleep here, breathing in their scents. I reminder, a comfort support. But as the months went by it was a blurred memory. But every time I lay there, ready to sleep for the night. It was like I could still feel their bodies next to me. As we lay there together the blankets flung onto the floor this was something different underlining this moment.

I looked at him. He was unmistakably handsome with high cheek bones and strong jaw, even the slight hump of his nose, the only fault about him, I still loved. And with a body to fit. Long lean legs and strong arms. How his chest seemed to be chiselled to perfection as he was growing into a man, his shirt catching when he breathed in and out. But it wasn't his appearance that drew me to him. It was his patience and care. How even when we barely knew each other he was kind and considerate, but now that our friendship has grown we have started to confide in each other. This bond I had with him that seemed to flourish within me when he would smile, or even just the way he would look at me sometimes. His eyes open with emotion I couldn't pin point. Some kind of emotion that was more than happiness or friendship. It almost scared me but exited me at the same time. The new sensation that I think I reciprocated for him. I reached out and tucked a golden curl behind his ear; his only reaction was the slight clench of his jaw. Any other time he would have turned towards me and smile his lopsided grin but the new knowledge had rocked him at his core. I just lay watching him until the silence broke.

"What do we do Alma?" he asked. His face was blank, even a little pale but as his eyes stared up, desperate.

"I don't know," I said sitting up and I patted his shoulder, finding my voice weak and unsure. "I'm sure they're ok."

He sat up too, facing me, his brows creased and his eyes almost tearing. "What if they aren't? What if..."

I snatched him up in a hug and he hugged back as he buried his face into the nook of my neck. His breathing was so fast and it felt as through his heart might explode in his chest as he tried to keep his emotions under control. I drew back, taking his face in my hands. "I'm sure they're ok, they have to be. They're you family after all and they wouldn't... leave you without saying goodbye first."

He nodded and then drew me in again and held me even tighter, his arms wrapping what felt like almost twice around my small frame. I stroked his hair soothingly, it had grown an inch or two since we found him and his body had filled in to make him. I felt so sad for him. How frantic he must be, his mind reeling a million miles an hour, contemplating the outcomes of his decisions, and I knew that not knowing must be killing him. I peered down the hole to see if Pepper was below, listening in. Then we pulled away again. I ran my hands down his neck and along his arms as they unwound to sit on my hips, I trailed my hands down to take his, squeezing them and looking up to meet his eyes. Those eyes I dearly love that I found myself painting from time to time, not able to get that exact wonderful colour that stared back.