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16- "just cry"

Soon we were hugging Mali goodbye, not helping with the lump in my throat- that I couldn't seem to make go away.

"I'll see you soon, pretty girl" Mali spoke as she hugged me tightly, making me hug her back.

"For sure"I confirmed.

I let Calum walk her to her rental car alone- giving them a minute to say their goodbyes alone.

As I walked to my room, I passed Ashton's open door.

"Payton" he yelled out, making me slowly walk back, looking to him through the open door.

"Come cuddle" he spoke swiftly, and I didn't hesitate to walk into his room, crawling under the sheets with him.

I laid silently in his arms, trying to control my breathing to make the threat of crying go away.

"why are you breathing weird?" Ashton questioned after a few minutes.

"I don't know" I lied, feeling him sit up to look at me.

"Are you having anxiety?" He asked, his fingers going to my neck to slowly check my pulse.

"No- I'm just- emotional" I laughed out, trying to continually hold the tears that wanted to come out so badly.

"You need to cry?" He questioned, sitting up completely, making me sit up to look to him.

"No" I lied.

"You're lying" he spoke.

The tears were in my eyes, so close to spilling over.

"What's wrong?" He asked

And that's all it took.

I started crying, making him pull me into a tight hug.

"Talk to me, what's wrong Payton?" He asked slowly as I completely wrapped my arms around him, crying into his shoulder.

"I'm a fucking mess, I'm so sorry" I cried out- wanting nothing but to be able to stop crying in front of him.

"Payton, it's okay to be a mess- it's okay to cry, but it's not okay to go through something alone, so I need you to talk to me."

So I told him.

"I just miss my family" I cried out.

"I miss my mom and dad, I never even got to meet my living brother- I had to hold his dead fucking body" I cried out, making him pull me closer to him, hugging me tightly.

Ashton.

I hugged her.

I knew she needed physical attention

I know I wasn't what she wanted- she wanted her mom and dad, but I was giving her what I had- and that was all of my physical attention.

"I'm so sorry" I whispered to her.

"I'm scared" she spoke into my chest, her body hiccuping through her tears, making me slowly rub her back, trying to calm her down.

"What are you scared of?" I asked her slowly.

"Loving you guys the way I loved them" she cried out, just as I saw Calum appear in the doorway- confusion immediately sketching its way across his face.

"Why are you scared of loving us?" I asked her calmly, trying to steadily calm her down.

"Because I cant lose anyone else" she sobbed out, breaking my heart just like that.

"Payton" Calum's voice spoke as he entered.

He sat beside me, grabbing one of her hands, which was wrapped around me and taking it into his own hands.

"Payton, I promise you- we aren't going anywhere-" "you don't know that" she cried out, pulling away to where she could look at us, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"and that's so fucking scary, because then I'll be all alone again- I need you guys" she cried out, reaching a maximum point of vulnerability- a point she's never been at in front of us, even coming into our hospital as a rape victim- she wasn't this vulnerable.

"I can't go through all of this again, I don't want to live or trust anyone else, I don't want to have to talk to other men, I don't want other doctors- I just need you guys to stay with me." She gasped for air- making both Calum and I's doctor senses click.

"Payton" Calum spoke, carefully grabbing her face, her breathing rapid as she continued to just cry.

"Payton" he spoke again, even quieter as we watched her slow her breathing, trying to calm herself down to where they could talk.

Once she was just hiccuping and silent tears rolling down her face, he spoke.

"We are not leaving you. I know that it isn't promised, but I can promise you that if anything happens to any of us, we will fight our heart and souls out just to come back to you." He spoke, wiping her tears for her.

"I know you had a sucky life and I know you're sad- and it's very clear to me that you're still dealing with a lot of grief and sadness, but we are going to help you through this, but you have to talk to us" he calmly spoke, never letting her face go as she focused to him, letting him wipe her tears.

"You can't hold all of these sad emotions in and then have a mental breakdown like this, Payton- that's not mentally healthy. We have to talk about our emotions, express our emotions, and I know that sounds cliche, but you've spent a long three years without being able to trust someone to talk to about this, we have a lot of catching up to do."