Last July

Chapter Sixty three

The bath door slammed behind me indicating how angry I was, how my heart ringed inside. But she was right. He ruined me. Now, now I didn't know who to trust. I couldn't trust myself. He took away the one thing I was sure about, he broke my heart, over and over and I let him. As the cold shower ran over my naked figure, I shivered, not from cold but how my entire life was taking a downward spiral. My fist folded as I gritted my teeth, this couldn't be me, this cannot be the end of my story. I wasn't done yet.

I refused to be conquered by this, refused to give in to this feeling of defeat. Now more than ever I refused to count on anyone but myself, to expect anything. I refused, adamantly, destructively and retroactively to seek from others anything within themselves that I cannot and will not find in me first. And if anyone should ask what changed, I'll tell them life.

I was taking back every part of me that fell. I deserved better and it was full time I treated myself that way. I didn't need a guy to make me happy, and I didn't need to depend on anyone.

I returned finding my apartment spick and span like the cleaning fairy passed through my apartment, Phillisa sitting on the sofa staring back at me. I didn't understand why she was still here, seeing worst that I treated her badly, I gazed at her, my feelings boiling down to mush but in the midst of my seething turmoil I still had a bit of conscience left.

"Phillisa"

She stood up sticking her hands into her pockets, looking like a little solider girl. I knew she liked to act tough, but she was all soft inside.

"Listen Kendall I'm not gonna sit around and let you mope around like some little lost dog without a head. Forget the asshole" her voice stinged with hatred. " you've seen me through my own bullshit I'm not gonna allow you to do this "

I glanced down listening but still feeling nothing. I didn't do all that just for her to help me when I was in my own bind.

"Yes but, I'm not .....I'm fine"

"I'm going out to get a few things, put on something pretty okay"

"Philly I'm not in the mood" I said taking a seat on the sofa arm, pouting. I just wanted to be alone. Why couldn't she just understand that!

"I'm leaving" she said loudly indicating that she didn't care. "I'll be back in half an hour or so okay"

  ***

I found myself dazed, bored and bewildered gazing through the window of the van. She'd taken so many detours to avoid the evening traffic, I stopped paying attention once we pulled out of the concrete city. Phillisa's definition of fun was probably going to the beach or something, maybe a club and it was way too early for that. Glancing to the side of the road I realised we'd left the city completely and was now speeding into the horizon of never ending pines. I sat up immediately recognizing the all too familiar empty road. The same road we were trapped on a few weeks ago.

The same road zombies almost came to eat my flesh.

I glanced at her, eyebrows knitted in confusion as a different set of emotions coursed through my veins. Andrew.

"Phil.....why are we heading this way?" I asked hestitantly, avoiding mentioning the name as if it was some dishonorable curse.

Fear over took over my body thinking of meeting him again. I didn't know what to say, or feel. If I should still be upset or just get over it.

"Phillisa"

She glanced at me momentarily before returning her eyes to the road. "I didn't want you to be anywhere that reminded you of him"