In All Her Glory

•15: In Perfection•

You are evil. There's nothing good in you. These people don't know who you are, or they'd have run far from you. My eyes scanned the happy faces of Sam, Oyinda, Queen, and Dami who had joined them. Even you hates yourself. Pray all you want, you'll still be a betrayer. A cowardly Judas!

I turned towards the window again, my head moving side to side. "No, I'm not..."
My eyes started to swim with tears. My blood pounded a war sound in my ears. My palms grew clammy by the second. I wanted to relieve myself. I wanted to scratch my hair.

I wanted to get out. I needed to get out and run.

"But..." My lips moved of their own volition, voicing my thoughts in the smallest of whispers. "But I... I had to run, okay? God, You know. He'd have taken advantage of me again! That beast would have violated what was left of me again." My voice started to rise, but softly. One tear escaped the trap of my lashes. "He'd have... Ah, God!"

I choked on a sob, trying my best to neglect the accusing voice in my head. This was not the time nor the place! I let my weary head drop on my desk. Let everyone think I was asleep.

Feet stalked in the aisle between me and Little Lupita's chair. When they stopped by me, I frowned. The shoes belonged to a male. The fellow continued on. Soon, the sound of boisterous laughter floated to my ears from the back of the classroom.

"I hate this place," I muttered. With determination, I stood and made a beeline for the door.

"All, stand and greet!" ordered Oyindamola, the class captain.

Mr Clement is here.

I was almost at the door, but I hurried on. My shoulder hit Mr Clement's arm as I reached the door.

"Hey! Is that not-" Mr Clement called. The door clicked shut behind me.

I ran down the empty hallways, numbness propelling me forward. When I stopped, it was in a deserted part of school, behind the library building.

"God, God!" I wailed. "Where are you? I can't feel you!"

Helplessness dragged my shoulders down, hope fled from me with every breath my nostrils released. My mind called on Samuel. He was usually there for me in times like this. My lips called another Person instead.

"Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit..." I called like it was a mantra. Like it was all I could do. And it really was. A part of me was against me calling on God, but I pressed on.

"Call on Me in the day of trouble, and I will answer you," Pastor had quoted two Sundays ago. "I will call upon the Lord, so shall I be saved from my enemies," the choir had sung last Sunday. "The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run in and they are safe," the Bible promises.

I was in trouble. I needed saving from the voice of condemnation. I needed the safety of Jesus. What better thing to do than to call my Helper and Comforter?

A tender, soothing breeze swarmed around me so gently, it almost felt like the warm hug of a faithful friend.

Come unto me, Sharon, exchange your troubles for my peace.

The hairs on my arms stood like the ends of needles. I jumped to my feet from the floor where I'd sunk down. I was alone. Someone had definitely said that!

Then, it dawned on me like a splash of cold water on my face.

My fingers trembled. "God, that You?"

Be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world for you.

"Have mercy on me, Jesus. I am weak!" I dropped on my knees. "Help me, Lord."

I became weak on the cross, Sharon. Just so you could become strong.