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"He's here?" Avi asked.

My heart dropped to my feet.

Luna moved to the side and I immediately saw him across the room. It took me several deep breaths to realize he wasn't alone. A girl I didn't recognize, with choppy black hair, stood next to him. She was saying something to him and he was leaning close and nodding. His expression didn't seem hard like it had the last time he was talking to me.

Luna lowered her voice as if he could somehow hear her from all the way across the room with the music at full blast. "I don't think I've ever seen Joey at a party. I wonder what he's doing here."

"Someone probably invited him." Who, though?

"Should I tell Noah to put away any valuables?" Avi asked.

I gasped and shot her a look.

"What?" Avi asked. "He's been in juvie. Who knows what for."

I had nearly forgotten how people talked about Joey. It was just talk before I knew him, but now it felt like an attack. "I don't think he's ever stolen anything. I thought he was in juvie for beating up someone who totally deserved it."

"I heard he beat up some freshman kid for looking at him wrong," Luna said.

"He did not."

Luna nudged me with her elbow. "How do you know? Did you become a Joey expert in the library? Was there a Joey section?" She laughed a little, but when I didn't join her she stopped suddenly. "Wait . . . did you?"

"Sort of. I—" The music stopped right in the middle of a song, and silence took over the room.

Noah ran down the stairs yelling, "Addison! Addison! Has anyone seen Addison?"

Luna took my arm and raised it up in the air. "She's over here."

Dread was slowly pouring down my body from the top of my head, filling in every space down to my toes. "What does he want?" I asked.

"Who knows? It's Noah."

That's what worried me.

"It's time for your speech!" he said.

When he arrived in front of me, I said, "Noah, you are awesome, and thank you for this party, seriously. But don't make me give a speech."

He smiled. "That was a good try, but everyone in the room needs to hear that." Zach was at his side and they muscled me onto their shoulders, the whole time calling out, "Speech! Speech! Speech!"

I gripped their shoulders, afraid I'd fall off backward if they turned too fast. What Avi had just told me circled in my mind. Be grateful, I told myself. Don't be a baby. You can handle this. Don't think about it so much. Just because my mind said it didn't mean my body listened. My heart immediately jumped into high gear. I needed to say something, anything, so they'd let me down. I swallowed the fire that was burning up my throat and said, "It's so great not to be dead." Everyone cheered. "You guys are the best! Now let's party!" Noah and Zach bounced me up and down and someone turned the music back on. I closed my eyes. Then finally I felt the floor beneath my feet. I opened my eyes and pushed my way through bodies and hands until I made it upstairs and outside.

It was freezing, which meant there would only be a few others out there. I walked until I couldn't see anyone, to the very back of Noah's property, behind a shed. I bent over because I thought I was going to be sick, but nothing happened. My forehead was slick with sweat and I wiped it away, then leaned up against the shed. This wasn't normal—this many episodes so close together. Normally my medicine kept me pretty level. I knew it was the extreme amount of stress I'd been under lately. Something had to give. I needed an outlet.

After a while, I'd managed to calm my emotions. I was heading back to the house on somewhat shaky legs when I saw Joey standing on the deck, looking out over the yard.

I had to walk by him to go in the house, so I put on my best smile and said, "Hi. I didn't know you were coming."