Deceitful (A Naruto Fanfic)

Chapter 63: Sakura

I felt a boundary had been crossed by him, and normally that would mean cutting off all contact. But at the same time, I hadn't been too fair to him either. I didn't hear him out. I judged his character based on a single action, despite knowing him all of my life. My intuition told me that he wasn't who my mind was painting him to be. 

I think it was hard, realizing that he was fallible. Not only that, but that he had the capacity to hurt me in such a huge way. I hadn't realized just how much the copy nin had wormed his way into my heart, for better or for worse. The only upside to that, was that I knew that I had made a nest of my own in his. Why else would he go through the trouble of trying to look out for me in the way he did. Granted, it was extreme and not what I wanted, but surely that meant he cared about me? 

I bit my lip slightly as I pondered this, realizing Kakashi was still waiting for me to respond but was not rushing me. I appreciated that. It gave me more time to think. 

The only people I knew cared for me in an immense way were Yamanaka-san, Tsunade, Neji and Naruto. Their love was undoubtable, and I could recognize it. I could feel it. Their actions lined up with the relationships between us. It was relatively easy. Although Yamanaka san's concern for me did skew more on the clinical side, I still felt a genuine connection that the professionalism didn't sever. This is what made Kakashi's actions all the more confusing.

 It was something that Samantha would do, and she did do it. She just did it with Kakashi--alongside him. They both, in an attempt to help me, betrayed me and took no value in my autonomy as an individual. They lied and made me believe that they cared selflessly for me. They fooled me into blindly believing that they only wanted the best for me. But what if they only cared because they wanted to control me? It'd definitely be more convenient for everyone if I didn't have a will of my own, and that is not an exaggeration. 

If things had played out the way I wanted, I would have kept the Haruno gene. Whether it'd be out of some childish attempt to be genetically special and unique or some other sort of inferiority complex, I wasn't sure. I still would have kept it, simply because at the end of it, it was my choice to weigh the pros and cons of, not Kakashi's or Samantha's. I wasn't trusted enough to make a choice, let alone the right one. And that hurt me. It diminished everything I had been through and effectively negated my intellectual capacities as an adult.

It'd be easy to just blame it on the fact that they both simply didn't realize that I had grown up, but two elite shinobi could put two and two together with ease. I exhaled, my head already swirling with the back and forth thoughts that I'd tried to drown out yesterday. 

I placed my fork onto my empty plate as Kakashi gently took it from me and began washing it.

"Right. Before we do that I should apologize for yesterday. Alcohol makes me mean and I could've handled it better." I spoke, making eye contact as I realized just how outspoken I was, in all aspects. Telling Kakashi off in front of his colleagues in a crowded bar, and then dramatically exiting with one of his other colleagues was bound to stir the pot, regardless of what we were going through. I grimaced. We were probably the talk of the village right now.

"Alcohol lowers inhibitions. It just gave you motivation to say what was on your mind." He shrugged, seeming genuinely unoffended but like always, it was hard to tell the features behind the mask. 

A stab of clarity hit me as I groaned, slamming my hand against my forehead as I recalled the night before.

"You don't think Genma..." I trailed off, peeking through the gaps in my fingers as Kakashi chuckled wholeheartedly.

"Sakura, he was 22 at one point too. He can tell the difference between harmless flirting and something more." He reassured.

"Good. But then why were you adamant about him not seeing me home? I might've been drunk but that anger was still justified." I pointed out, patting the seat next to me as he dried the dish and put it on the rack. He followed my motion and continued. 

"To be honest, I don't really know the answer myself. I acted on instinct, and before I knew it you were demanding an explanation from me that I didn't have."

For the second time this morning I whipped around to meet Kakashi's gaze, the pain in my head nearly forgotten once we locked eyes. He meant what he said. It was only fair I did the same. It was my turn.

"You know, I was actually on the verge of apologizing  and clearing the air before I left my apartment last night." I admitted sheepishly, now looking anywhere but Kakashi.

"Oh? What changed?"

"The flowers in my apartment." I murmured, smiling at the memory of finding them the day before.

"Those are nice.. but I don't see how that relates to you suddenly forgiving me." He glanced in the direction of the flowers before looking back at me expectantly.

I was about to press him further before stopping. They weren't from him.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you weren't the one who tidied my apartment for me either." I stood, moving to go and open my medicine cabinet.

"I was actually planning to steer clear of you until we had to get together." He followed, handing a glass of water to me as I rifled through the numerous bottles for pain reliever.

"So why are you here now then? Report isn't due till the end of the week." I turned and looked up, our torsos facing each other as I downed the pill in a swift gulp of water. I always did seem to forget our height difference. 

"Tsunade told me it was due in two days."

A few moments of silence passed before we both laughed, shaking our heads. 

"Of course she'd say that. She probably thought you'd forget and turn it in late." I reasoned, despite feeling that she did it to get us to interact sooner and clear the air. She was known to eavesdrop every now and then. I wouldn't be surprised if she kept up with the gossip too. Not to mention that my initial entry back into the village after this last mission, was chaotic to say the least. 

"Give me some credit. I'm known for keeping my word when I can. Reports are easy to turn in on time, showing up for a scheduled training session, not so much." He smiled, the joke not reaching his eyes as he changed the subject to what he really wanted to say.

"Can I explain myself? And will you listen? I promise I'll be more honest than the first time around." 

"Okay."