New To This

Eggs

"Chill," both Vicki and Vince say in unison.

"Cool," I say following their lead with the one word response. "So you're not mad at me?" I clarify still very hesitant. Vince moves his hand away from his keys and looks at me with calm eyes through the rear view mirror.

"Mom threw you out and let your arm burn right?" he asks and Vicki stares at her lap. I do a slow nod as I rub the burn on my arm and recall my mom's yelling.

"Then I can't be mad at you, just the circumstances," he says and Vicki's head pops up to look at him.

"Boi stop stealing my lines," she snaps.

"I heard it on the radio," Vince argues.

"Nah you heard it from me when you were only paying attention to the radio," Vicki says pointing her nail. She shakes her head and mumbles under her breath, "Niggas aint shit."

At this Vince's head flips to look over at Vicki with what I think is surprise. "How you going to say that when I just got your ass some eggs."

Vicki clasps her hands together as if she's praying. "Oh Vince you'd paid the $9 for some salty scrambled eggs , how will I ever re pay you." Hmm well this just got interesting.

"Them eggs didn't look salty when you were scarfing them down."

"That girl didn't look that hot when you were staring at her ass." And behold the real reason Vicki is mad.

Vince looks down at his sweats, and makes it obvious he has no words to argue. I kind of wish he would say something because I'm curious to see how he's going to get himself out of this jumble. "You right niggas aint shit," Vince says and finally starts the car. I still want to ask "what circumstances," but I just lay my head down and look out the window. As I do this Vince starts driving like some grandpa, and my eyes widen at the sight of a bright red lamborghini pulling up in front of Ziyah's house. Angela dressed in the shortest dress runs out of the car with a big smile that disappears when I see Henry Claibourne pick her up off the ground to give her a kiss. Angela runs off to the front door, and Henry hops back in to his lambo with the cokiest grin. Seeing this Sofia's words replay in my head. "Daddy, no, come back Daddy please."

The car ride with Vince and Vicki is smooth so smooth I don't want to get out of the car when we arrive in front of my mom's place.

"Daya come on," Vince says from outside of the car that still sit in comfortably. Before I get out Vicki flips her head back to look at me. "So did you know?" she says experimenting with the way she can bounce her eyebrows up and down.

"Nope."

"Yea I had a feeling you were going to say that," she says as Vince throws his hands in the air.

"Boy she'll get out of the car when she gets out of the car," Vicki shouts through the window. She turns back to me with a smile. "If you need anything in that area I got you." She winks which I respond with a thumbs up on my out of the car. If Vince wasn't 5 feet from me, I'd ask a multitude of questions regarding the do's and don'ts of sex, but he is and I'm pretty sure Vicki would tell him anyway.

Vince knocks loudly on the door then leads his head against it. "Mom it's me," he says. He knocks again, and repeats the same statement. Sadness grows on his face and he repeats this knocking and begging routine three more times before we hear some kind of movement on the other side of the door. A little after I slouch down against the wall the door finally opens, but only enough for my mom to stick her head out. She doesn't speak and simply just looks at us as we raise from the ground. She opens the door a little more and walks back into the apartment all the way to her room. Vince is about to follow her lead, but he flops on the couch and shoots me a look equal to the action of patting the spot next to him.

Although I want to just go back to sleep I plop down next to him, and he lets out a loud sigh.  "You know what your job is right?" he asks playing with his afro pick.

"What job?"

"Your Job is to make sure Dani is ok," he says too sternly. I've always known this was my job, but I'm unsure of it's relevant to what's happening now.

"I know."

Vince shakes his head. "No Daya now it's your job job," he whispers this, and looks back down the thin hall. I get what he's saying being protective of Dani was more of a part time job and I shared shifts with Vince, but now that he's going to college I've been promoted full time.

"Ok," I say. A moment of silence lingers, and Vince's eyes almost shut, but only to open again, and continue to look at me. "Why is mom acting like this?" I ask. Vince's eyes show no sign of shutting now, and he lets another sigh escape his lips.

"She's just going through some stuff, it will pass," he says. He does a slow nod to himself that I repeat because it seems like we're trying to assure ourselves of the same thing. "Goodnight, love you, and all of that other stuff," he concludes.

"Goodnight." Vince heads towards his room a little after I hear him utter sweet dreams to mom who I pretend says the same thing back. I want to go back to my room, but a question still roams in my head, and I need to find the answer. I head into the kitchen that hasn't changed since I left, and the crusty bowl of oatmeal I left is proof. I don't care to scrub it though, and go straight towards the junk drawer where the orange bottle I had picked up sits. I pick it up and with my other hand open my phone to google. Divalproex. I type each letter in while my teeth chatter, and thanks to the slow internet my eyes are glued to a circle moving round and round.

It's stops, but I throw the bottle down and exit out of the browser. I don't need to know, at least not now.

The next morning I wake up to a bunch of text from all the people I called last night.

Harper: Oh my god I'm so sorry Daya, Navia and I were planning for her party.

Jada: I ain't going to lie I'm high as shit.

The longest text of course comes from my dad who doesn't really understand the concept of texting which is: text are supposed to short messages. The theme of the text is he's so sorry he had his phone off, and that he wasn't there. The last line of the text has to be the one that wakes me up and gets me to sit up on my bed. I can't promise this won't happen again, but you're going to be staying with me more. I can't even fully react to this message as footsteps begin to approach my room. My mom stands in my doorway with her somber visage, and I don't know what to say or if I should be mimicking her expression. I don't even know if I should be sitting on my bed for the conversation were going to have.

She begins to speak so I stay in the same place looking down at her from my top bunk. "Daya I'm sorry about everything you know I love your right?" Her tone is quite somber and similar to Vince's when he got sick. That soup probably would've helped.

"I know I love you too," I say. I forget to verbalize, the part about how her words aren't enough, and how as I look back at more moments in my childhood I know that moment wasn't isolated. But that would be selfish.

She's about to slowly make her way to her room, but I surprise myself, and mimic Dani. "Mommy," I say or rather whine. She turns around and her eyes don't widen, but somehow she's not the woman who was yelling at me yesterday.

"Yes," she says.

I had words planned, but plans change. "Dani left her earbuds." I look over at the tangled wire on Dani's desk.

"Ok," she says and goes back to her room. At least that moment was genuine with our head scarfs on our heads and tears painted on our faces. My phone buzzes, and this time I'm not conflicted about what appears on my screen.

Ziyah: Good Morning babe. Damn this guy has perfect timing.