Wild & Wicked

IX

The moon is unimaginably large tonight and it bathed the earth with its luminous glow. The gloom of the night was reflected in the moods of my own. Grey carpeted the sky so completely that the cars needed full headlights and the street-lamps shone feebly into the perpetual midnight. The air is soft and mellow just like what I'm feeling. The park bench that I was sitting is hard and cold just like how Pluem treated me earlier. And, the park where I'm at is eerie and peaceful, unlike my painful sobs. 

Tears kept on streaming down my face. I swear if I don't stop any moment I would die of dehydration. I think I've been crying for the past hour or two, and my eyes are a swelling mess. But I can't stop, I can't stop crying...I can't stop hurting, I can't stop my feelings for him. I wasn't expecting that this would be this painful. Painful enough to the point I feel like I'm on a breaking point.

"Stupid," I said to myself.

I realized that I have assumed that Pluem and I can be together, but in reality, we can't be. I've even managed to destroy the only thing that Pluem and I had, friendship. 

Ainam was right I shouldn't be the one to confess my feelings first. She was right, I would hurt myself in the long run if Pluem wasn't sure about his feelings about me. I'm not even sure how he sees me... Oh, right. He sees me as a disgusting human being. He didn't see me as a best friend earlier, it hurts me too much.

I don't care if someone would see me at this state, I don't care if I look like a mess right now. I don't even care if someone is in this park right now. I'm shameless, anyways. If love is this painful to handle, I would never love again.

It hurts to love. It's like giving yourself to be flayed and knowing that at any moment the other person may just walk off with your skin. Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares. I cried again, I don't know why I still have tears, I feel like I've been crying for a while now.

I felt a presence crowding in front of me, I was startled for a bit, but lifted my face to meet the person destroying my peace and quiet. Before my eyes reach the person's face, a red handkerchief was handed to me. 

"For your tears." The unknown person said. 

I didn't take it, instead my eyes went back to see who it is. I scanned his face for a second. He looks kind of familiar, so I asked him. "Do I know you?" He nodded in response. I was waiting for him to say his name, but he didn't. What he did was he wiped my tear-soaked face with his handkerchief. "I'm Nanon." I took the handkerchief off of his hand because I suddenly felt uncomfortable when he did that. Especially when he accidentally brushed his fingers on my cheeks.

"Who?" I asked.

 "Nanon."

"Nanon-who?" I asked him again while I wiped my face off.

"The Arki student." He said. I just stared at him because it didn't ring a bell. "The one you bumped in the hallway, then asked you on a date." He continued and sat on the other end of the bench where I'm sitting at.

"Oh." I replied. I remembered him. He's the freaky dude I met before

After I realized who he was, I quickly handed him back his handkerchief and said thanks. I was about to leave him when he said, "Don't leave. I'm not a creep." I didn't answer. After a while, he got up and said, "Just..Just stay, and I'll leave you alone to yourself. Keep the handkerchief, you'll need it more than I do."  

Nanon was going to leave when I told him not to. "Why?" He asked. 

"I didn't mean to be rude moments ago, you can stay..." I said. I already feel bad about my feelings for Pluem, and I don't want to feel even more miserable by sending Nanon off. Also, I think I needed some to talk to or listen to me at least. I feel like if I can talk out my feelings it would lessen the burden on my chest.