Lesbian Dancing After The Show: An Improviser's Non Improvised Life

The Casting Thingy: Cheesy McCheeseball Representation

Cheesy McCheeseball Representation
September 18, 2012, Los Angeles, CA

Here is the thing about one of the Casting Thingies here in Los Angeles: When you are not represented you can check a box saying that you are currently looking.

That leaves you open to a huge barrage of emails from random "Managers" and "Agencies," nine out of ten of which will call themselves "Boutiques."

Nothing wrong with that, if you are completely on the up and up and you are honestly building a new company. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Except for one thing: It's Los Angeles. And it is in regards to people wanting to represent actors.

Today I get an email from one of these hopeful agents. I'm just going to replace the name of the Agency and the person's name.

Representation!!!

Hi, On behalf of The Worst Talent Agency Ever, we would like to take the time to acknowledge your Talents, and would like to schedule a meeting to bring you into our Office to see if you would possibly be interested in representation. The Worst Talent Agency Ever is more of a smaller agency, catering to your one on one needs. We look at you first as a business, as well as a product to be sold. First, Let me ask you. What are you doing for your Business? If you are not already out there striving to learn and be the best in your field than we are probably not the Agency for you. We strive to work hard and be the best, so we ask the same from our clients. If you are interested in setting up a meeting please call Cheesy McCheeseball at (The Worst Talent Agency Ever's Phone Number).

The Worst Talent Agency Ever
www.worsttalentagencyever.net
cheesymccheeseball.worsttalentagencyever@gmail.com."

I now wish for this to be the thing that gets my mind off of the day: How bad can The Worst Talent Agency Ever really be?

I mean it's already bad enough that the run on paragraph that blasts out from The Casting Thingy makes them look unprofessional. It's bad enough that the header screams Representation!!! with three exclamation points (because, you know, one exclamation point is not enough). Bad enough that they have a domain name with .net that most savvy computer people immediately assume means they could not get the name of their site under .com or .org ...or the idea that they are using the longest email account on the face of the planet with Gmail on the end of it.

No. I need diversion. And, a story. I want to know how bad The Worse Talent Agency Ever is.

TO THE INTERNET!! (Batman TV scene bridge music courtesy of Jesse Parent.)

I type in the name of the Agency in Google and it pulls up its .net site and numerous other links including its Facebook and Twitter. I first get onto their website.

If your talent agency font and logo resembles the worst parts of a shitty band? You are doing it wrong.

This is never good.

After living here for a few years I've come to realize this: The shittier the logo? The shittier the agency. Really. The best agencies in this country that can represent an actor do not need to put weird zap dingies as their actual logo or pixelated creatures behind the Broadway Font. The moment you see that, you know they have designed their own logo because they could not afford to get someone professional to do it. They will probably ask you down the line to design one if you have that skill. You know....for free workshop classes at their next gathering.

It also pulls up the Backstage Magazine Bulletin Boards. Us actors know the one. The one where you go to ask if something is legit and there are only two ends of the spectrum: They are AMAZING...or HOLY SHIT RUN!!