April's Heart

I Love You

"You look....amazing."

"Thank you."

If anyone else had paid her that compliment she would have returned it, especially if they looked as good as Kenny. But he didn't need her approval. He knew he looked good and he knew she thought he looked good, even without her saying so. That was Kenny. He was so confident but somehow also humble. He was arrogant yet down to earth. He was a paradox and for a time April tried to understand him but nothing she learned in high school psychiatry class covered the likes of him. So, she lived in a constant state of surprise, never quite knowing what to expect from him.

"Shall we?"

Kenny offered her his arm and she hesitantly took it, still nervous to be so close to him. He was treating their outing like a date and that was the last thing she wanted from him. She had finally found peace with him and the situation but she wasn't trying to rekindle the past. It was over. Strangely, had Kenny showed up in her life just three days earlier, she's not sure how she would have reacted.  No matter how over him she may have been, the way he handled the situation still stung.  Somehow, knowing the truth about why he left didn't help as much as he may have thought it would.  Even as she walked beside him there was still a kernel of pain in her heart.  No matter the reason, he had left her broken and alone and she didn't know if she could ever fully forgive him for that. She could get past it but she knew it was best if, after this night, they were out of each other's lives for good.

Kenny opened the car door for April and unabashedly watched her legs as she pulled them in, crossing them at the ankles. She watched him watch her and when he realized he was caught cleared his throat and closed the door, rushing around to the driver's side.

"So," April said when they were buckled up, "where are you taking me?"

Sounding like kidnap victim was not her intention but was somehow apropos.

"There's this Korean place in Annandale that I really like, if you're up for it. I checked and they have a lot of vegan options."

Stop being so considerate, April thought. It will get you nowhere. Going to a Korean restaurant was a great idea, though. It gave her a reason to bring up Jae and to let Kenny know she was taken. She had to admit though, having Kenny look at her the way he was made her happy and gave her back some of the self esteem she had lost when he left.  She couldn't help but wonder would he have walked away so easily if she was like one of the women his father had repeatedly tried to saddle him with? Could he have abandoned blue eyes and porcelain skin?  Would he have fought for someone like that?        

"Sounds great," she replied, pushing those thoughts out of her mind.  She had no reason to believe any of that was true.  Kenny often mentioned how much he loved her curls and caramel skin but it had been ingrained in her from youth that she was only pretty "for a black girl."  So because he professed to love her full lips and shapely hips, when she was told he left her for an ex girlfriend, all of whom looked like calendar models, the confidence he had instilled in her came tumbling down and she had only just begun to rebuild it. This time though, it didn't hinge on acceptance from a man.  She was finding it within herself.

"Ok," Kenny said, putting the car in gear.

April could feel Kenny's apprehension as the rode in silence, the air between them heavy with unspoken words. She knew he didn't ask her to dinner not to talk to her. The question was when. She looked over at him quickly while tucking a wayward curl behind her ear. His lips were pressed together as if opening them would unleash an eruption of words he couldn't control.

"So," April said, not quite sure what to say next, "how are John and his wife?"

"Great. Still honeymooning."

"Oh, where did they go?"

"Paris."

Of course they did.

"Sounds lovely."

"Yep."

How far was Annandale, exactly? Trying to get Kenny to talk was like squeezing water from a rock. He was usually so verbose, talking at length to anyone about anything. He had opinions on almost every topic. She remembered mentioning plastic surgery to him just once in passing and sitting through a 45-minute diatribe on inner beauty and the plastic surgery industry feeding on the insecurities of women. She had the feeling now, though, if she brought up a subject he had felt passionately about in the past, she'd get maybe an "uh, huh" out of him, at most.

Finally, they pulled into a parking lot.

"We're here," Kenny said, suddenly charming again. "Don't move."

He got out of the car and walked to her side to open the door. He gave her his hand and she stepped out of the car. Kenny closed the door but didn't let go of her hand. He entwined his fingers into hers and started to walk to the restaurant. She was so stunned she almost forgot to follow him until he pulled her along. They walked hand in hand through the door and were greeted by the maître d.

"Good evening. Name please."

"Mitchell," Kenny said.

"Table for two, this way."

Still hand in hand, they followed the man to their table. Finally, she was able to free herself as he pulled out her chair.

"Here are your menus, your server will be right with you."

The man placed a menu in front of each of them and April saw an opportunity to use the small amount of Korean she had learned.

"Salanghae," she said, smiling.

The maître d furrowed his eyebrows and bowed before hurrying off.

Kenny watched as the man ran to a waiter whispering, obviously impressed, then turned to April, a confused look on his face.

"Why did you just say that?"

"Oh, that's Korean. I learned it from my friend, Jae. It means thank you."

"Well, your friend taught you wrong, that doesn't mean thank you."

"How do you know?"

"Because Janice is always in the office of the gym watching those Korean dramas. Salanghae doesn't mean thank you, it means I love you."

If April had been drinking she would have spit it all over the table. How could it mean I love you? Jae had said it to her twice. If that was true not only did he love her but he lied about it. She didn't know which was more upsetting.

"You're going to love this food. It's amazing," Kenny was saying, but April was barely paying attention.

Am I going to love it or am I going to be thankful for it, she angrily asked herself.

Maybe Kenny was mistaken. April pulled out her phone and googled "I love you Korean". She gasped when the word popped up before her. "Salanghae"

"Are you ok?" Kenny asked

"Yes," she said slamming her phone onto the table, "let's order."