𝐈𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐥 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 (Completed)

32. W I T H O U T H I M & H I M

I V Y'S P.O.V

Devoting most of my hours to my studies, the second year continues to get tougher as it is almost coming to an end. It is crucial for me to perform well in my exams so my scholarship does not get affected. The final exams commence in February. There is plenty of time, but being a hardcore procrastinator, I didn't want to leave things at the last minute.

I wanted to make most of my free time and be better prepared. At least I won't have to actually study during the exam days and only revise the notes I've made.

"You need to give your mind a break," Jaden says, placing a cup of hot tea on my desk. Usually, I'm not much of a tea drinker. But thanks to Jaden's Japanese heritage, she has got me hooked onto having green tea which is not only healthy but soothing for your skin.

Sliding the pen in between my notebook, I get up and stretch my arms, letting out an exaggerated yawn. Taking a sip of my tea, I sit on Jaden's bedside. "Any updates about the wedding?"

Jaden's elder brother is getting married in January, in Okinawa, Japan. The idea of having a wedding underneath the Cherry Blossom trees is so enticing, I forget I have an exam to prepare for right after. It is Japan we are talking about. It was always in my bucket list to go and visit, I can't risk the opportunity of not going for the sake of an exam.

"It's smooth... For now.." Jaden bobs her head and sits next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. "It's ... I don't know why it should affect me but even the strongest of people have barriers that are ok to be broken. It makes me human."

My heart splits into two when she says that phrase. I know it has got to do with her dad walking out on the family for the second time, not being there for his son's big day only because he is gay? I give her shoulders a squeeze as tears begin falling from her eyes.

"It does, and you don't have to explain yourself. You had to go through a lot and it broke you in ways that was close to making your heart loose courage and hope. Yet you still went out of your way to help people who might have been through a similar such thing."

She sniffs and blows into a tissue, wiping her eyes with her shirt. "You know what does that make you? You are a badass with a heart of an angel... or a Medusa who chooses to hide her true colors," Jaden scoffs, rolling her eyes with clues of amusement. "Don't let your dad's past emotions bring you down. You are so much more."

Pulling her into a hug, she starts to sob. Wiping my own tears, I let her have her moment. Sometimes, people are quick enough to judge other people without knowing the whole story. Maybe they don't, but the preconceived notion about the problems not being yours should be broken. I'm able to understand this because I assumed. For all those days where I felt Jaden avoided me, she didn't ignore me. She was my roommate and I got sensations that didn't feel right.

But Jaden probably didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her. She cried in silence. She may have wanted someone other than Reed to confide in her, telling her it is going to be ok.

When I said those words, I tried hard to not give an example of myself because the conversation isn't always about you. It wasn't about me. I thought about my dad and his refusal to change. I thought about Chace. I thought about Adrien and his life. I thought about how much my heart still aches, wanting to be near the two of them.

I thought about how shunned Chace from my life. He wanted to tell me and I should've let him. He wanted to give his side of the story and make me believe he didn't completely run away. The scenes of Ethan's constant pleading swearing me to take him back was all I could think off at the hospital. I didn't see Chace standing in front of me, talking with guilt. I saw a guy with long hair and blue eyes, faking innocence that shine with improvised sadness .

Eyes that manipulated me into making me feel every mistake that happens is because of me, leaving me to figure it all out and beg for his apology. The thought of loosing him devastated me. The thought of him filling my mind with doubt scared me even more.

Adrien's confession still haunts me. When he spoke about commitment, all the horrible things my dad had done to my mom pierced my mind with polluted memories of my childhood.

I saw him raising his hands on her, watching my mom fall on to the floor, hitting her head on the kitchen counter. She could've suffered from an aneurysm.

I saw my dad climbing on top of my mom. I saw him ripping her clothes out with a kitchen knife. It was my scream that stopped him from injecting the object into her vagina which resulted on my ribs being shattered.

Adrien's face morphed into my dad's, grinning at me as his ego kept getting bigger. I made a mistake of asking my mom to call dad over for Christmas, hoping they would talk it out.

"Ivy?"

I shudder immediately snapping out of my thoughts. "Are you ok?" Jaden's eyes are wide with concern, face ridden with confusion. "Ah yeah... yeah! I-I'm fine! I'm fine."

"You went completely still and I thought you had a stroke. Are you sure? Is there anything you want to talk about?"

I am compelled to tell her what I thought before. I want to tell her and I am obliged to do so. "Ivy, what is going on?" Jaden places her hand on my knee, which makes my spine go numb. Stop it, Ivy! My brain scolds, she isn't your father and she isn't your ex!

She's my roommate who is caring and loyal as a lioness who stays true to her word. She's my best friend and I shouldn't be freaking out about her touching me. I don't want to hurt her. She isn't scaring me.

"Can we go outside? It's suffocating in here." Breaking away from the anxiousness, Jaden nods. "Let me grab my coat." I can get up and spend my time alone. It isn't a requirement to double check, knowing she was genuine when it was her turn to ask me.