If Atem Lived in my Head

Nightmares

There is so much darkness around me, it's thick and consumes all light.

"Atem?" My voice echoes, I don't feel him, I'm all alone, I knew he'd leave me again, I knew it, no one ever stays.

"Liar!" I scream.

"Nuni!" Atem startles beside me, he catches my arms when the bed disappears and pulls me toward him.

"It's okay, Nuni, it's okay." He soothes, patting my back "it's okay, it's not real, it was only a nightmare.

"What..." my heart is pounding in my chest, I stop pushing away from him the moment I realize I'm doing it.

"It's okay." His voice is silk, his hands strong around me.

"Atem." I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder.

"You knew you were never the chosen one from the beginning." His voice takes a new edge,

"What?" I try to pull back but he's too strong. "Atem, let go." I snap at him.

"You were lucky and that is all, you will die alone the way you lived alone."

"Atem, let go!" His words are like broken glass rubbed across my belly. But the panic from being restrained is amplifying everything. "Let me go, let me go!" I scream struggling again.

"You are better off dead." His hand sinks into my heart, a sense of cold fills my entire body and I am frozen stiff.

"Stop it!" My scream tears out of my throat.

"Nuni," Atem reaches for me as I fall back, I slap his hand away and my head cracks against my bedside table.

"Nuni." Atem is by my side, reaching for me. I shove him away from me and press myself back into the wall.

"Don't touch me." I snap at him.

"What's the matter?" He asks. "What happened."

I shake my head at him, I can feel the warmth of tears on my face but I can't think about that right now. All I can feel is the cold.

"You're freezing Nuni." His eyes are filled with concern but the ghost of his arms restraining me makes me want to hurt him.

It was just a nightmare I try to tell myself but my heart won't stop pounding and my hands won't stop shaking and my skin won't stop burning.

"Please, let me see what it is that has scared you." He keeps a distance but I can feel his desire to hold me.

"Just..." I gulp in a breath "Just stay there." I squeeze my legs to my chest, and hide my face in my knees.

He doesn't try to touch me, he doesn't try to talk to me but he doesn't leave me either.

..........

    I can feel him watching me as I sew, he hovers but he doesn't come past a certain invisible marker, he's trying to give me space but his concern for me is almost as strong as his desire to show he respects me more than anyone else. He won't do anything to me without my permission, no matter how much he wants to go into my soul room and see what it is that got into me.

"Nuni, you're freezing." His hands itch for me.

"I'm always cold." I grumble pricking my finger with the needle. I wince but it's nothing I'm not used to.

"No, your spirit." His brows furrow. "Something evil has touched your spirit, Nuni." He holds his hand out to me but when I flinch he pulls back.

"Please, let me see, I can help if you'd just let me—"