The Specter of my Life (Frerard)

13 - revive the d(e)ad

this chapter is weird
also i wanna commit endless sleep bc school
pray for me and for this chapter pls

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My dad has always been there for me. Not always actively but since I got married we have been talking much more. I will never forget the day I saw him cry for the first time. It was the day Gerard died and I had to go identify the body.

I still couldn't get over the fact that my husband was dead, yet standing right beside me, moving wherever I moved because, well, he had no other choice. I was numb most of the time since the policemen came to tell me the terrible news, but there were times when I remembered something from when Gerard was alive and I started crying.

It was that same day, that I received a call asking me to come down to the station the next day to identify the body that they finally recovered from the debris. I didn't want to go alone but I also didn't want to tell anyone what happened, I needed more time to come to terms with it. I didn't want to tell any of our friends because they would be as devastated as I was and probably wouldn't want to go with me and gosh, I didn't even want to think about his family. So the only option was my dad.___

"Hey, dad." I said into the device, watching Gerard as he studied his body. Or well, his aura.

"Hey, Frankie, what's up?" My dad asked cheerily and I started crying again because I was about to ruin his day.

"Dad, I-" I stopped to sob quietly, "I need a favor." I said.

"Oh no, what's wrong, son?" My dad asked concerned.

"Nothing just...Everything."

"Did Gerard do something to you or what happened?" He asked, very alarmed.

"No, he-" another sob interrupted me. I clutched my stomach because it was closing in, I couldn't breathe for a moment and had to try really hard to calm down.

"Dad, Gerard-" I tried again but I couldn't say it. It hurt too much.

"Oh no, Frankie. Did he..." My dad trailed off.

"I need to identify the body tomorrow and I can't go alone." I said after a while of just crying and listening to my dad's erratic breathing. He might have been crying or just be shocked but as far as I knew my dad didn't cry, ever.

"That's okay, I'll go with you, of course." He told me with a soft voice. "I can come over and spend the night if you don't want to be alone." He offered.

"No, um, no that's fine, I think I need to process it all a little bit you know, but I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" I asked, my voice breaking towards the end and pitching higher in an attempt to hold my tears.

"Okay, whatever you need, boy. Call me if you need something, anything, okay? I'm here for you."

"Thanks, dad."

___

"What are you thinking about?" Gerard asked me as I stared out the window and sipped my now cold tea.

I just looked at him and breathed out. I didn't want to talk to him. I knew it was terrible for him but I craved to have that state of obliviousness, I didn't want to see his aura and hear his voice all the time, I just wanted him to be alive. What good did it do me if he was just a ghost, it didn't help me at all in dealing with the loss. I needed him to hug me, and kiss me and tell me things are going to be okay. Except they won't because his body is gone for good and who knows how long his mind can stay.

"Frank don't do this please." He pleaded with me and walked closer to my chair. "Let's go out. Just, take out the trash or buy some food, you can't just live on tea." Gerard begged me.