The Specter of my Life (Frerard)

4 - white noise

Red.

Most people associate it with passion or love, some with blood and anger but I see all the people who have been murdered or seriously hurt.

"Isn't it too tight?" He asked and I just shook my head and told him to go on.

From time to time I had to forget about all the shit going on in my life and what is better at turning off your brain than sex, right?

"What kind of music do you like?"

"I don't care. Metal, punk, rock, something in between, just anything loud." I shrugged and waited.

I could still see J's little red face. They went away right after the realization that their dad had to something with their death so I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye. I don't know where they went or what were they going to do but on one hand, I was really glad. I hated dealing with kids because it was breaking my heart.

"Black Flag?" He asked and I just nodded.

Soon the room was filled with the sound of Rise Above and my mind was taken elsewhere when he climbed on top of me. At that moment I didn't have an aura following me around but they could show up anytime which is why I was using a blindfold and loud music so I didn't see or hear them.

To my disappointment, this one didn't last as long as I was used to. It was over way too soon and he was already asleep when I got dressed. I rolled my eyes and sighed as I looked at him. I clenched my jaw and left his place as quickly as possible. I took a deep breath once I was outside and lit a cigarette.

I was usually good at picking my partners for the night but I guessed I was just too desperate so I picked the first one that caught my eye. I was in serious need of dating someone, it gets easier when you are with one person all the time, you learn what the other likes and then you only perfect the techniques so both sides are happy. The problem is, I don't know how I would function in a relationship. I wasn't scared per se, I was more so lazy to come up with excuses and lies to be alone because of the auras.

Speaking of which, another red aura was sitting behind my table when I came home. I sighed again because that day was just getting worse and worse. I took off my jacket and shoes and slouched into a chair as well so I could get to know my new friend for the time being.

"Hi. I'm Frank." I said and looked at the woman sitting across from me.

"Emily." She smiled at me. For a red she was really nice I must admit. "Sorry for showing up here but you seemed quite busy before and this place was marked." She explained and looked around my apartment.

"I didn't know my place was marked." I raised my eyebrows and studied Emily's face.

"It is. It's full of your color." Emily told me and smiled again. "It's a really nice place."

"Thanks. Has my color changed?" I asked her and got up to get myself something to drink.

"Depends, has it changed before?" Emily chuckled and went with me to the kitchen.

"No."

"Then you're still light blue-ish." Emily told me with a big smile and I gestured her to my couch so we could talk a bit more about her situation.

I wasn't actually capable of seeing my own color but auras could. Based on what they told me I pieced together a somewhat explanation as to why I was blessed with this amazing and totally not annoying ability to see the dead.

I was born on Halloween. It is supposedly the only time of the year when the line between the living and the dead is the thinnest. When I was a little older my mom told me a story about how I almost died the night I was born. What a funny coincidence huh?

Apparently right after I was born my heart stopped beating for about a minute. For a baby this small it was crucial and there was a huge risk of me not developing well after that incident but luckily everything was alright and I grew normally like other kids my age.

Later on, after all that 'childhood schizophrenia' bullshit, when I started to talk to auras and got to know them and what the different colors meant, one aura told me how they found me. According to them I also have a colored aura despite being alive. Unlike people, auras see a light blue hue around me. After thinking about it for some time I came to the conclusion that me being literally dead for a moment and then brought back to life on a Halloween night must have left the blue mark on me.

I didn't hate it but I sure wasn't enjoying it. Some auras, like Emily, were great to talk to but it wasn't always that easy and the older I got the harder it was for me. I would like to be alone from time to time, but they just kept coming and it was tiring.

Music helped a lot. When I had my headphones in it helped me concentrate on the task at hand and I could successfully ignore auras. I knew it was rude, but I had to function properly in between counseling dead people. Sometimes, when I really needed sleep and auras were extremely annoying I listened to music during sleep. I had a few apps on my phone so I could fall asleep to different calming noises.

I realized I had zoned out when I noticed Emily wasn't talking anymore. I looked at her and she smiled.

"Are you tired?" She asked.

"Uh, a little bit, sorry." I yawned involuntarily.

"I'll let you sleep then. This can wait." Emily said and I thanked her and after a quick shower finally fell asleep.

___

When I woke up I looked around my apartment and found Emily in the kitchen. She smiled at me and looked around uncomfortably.

"I feel awkward, I mean I would make you breakfast but..." She shrugged.

"I get it." I laughed. "So, tell me what's going on."

"Well, I don't know what this color that I have means but I do remember how I died." She started.

"Red usually means revenge." I told her while preparing myself a decent cup of coffee.

"Oh, that makes sense." Emily nodded. "I was on a date with my boyfriend and this one guy assaulted me when I was waiting for Miles outside the restaurant. He managed to stab me in the stomach and when Miles came out they got into a fight. The guy ran away with my bag but Miles was left there with multiple stab wounds. He died before the ambulance got there and I died on the way to the hospital." She told me.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I frowned and sat down.

"I don't know where Miles is right now, but I hope he's okay. I just want the bastard that did it to us to pay for what he did." Emily sighed.

"Miles could already be through." I shrugged and continued sipping my drink.

"Through?"

"The portal. It leads to wherever you go after." I told her. "Some auras pass right after dying."

"Oh, okay." Emily processed the new information. "So, um, how long will I stay here? I really miss Miles." She told me.

"Until you get revenge. You can either wait for karma to do its job, which can take literally ages, or we can speed things up." I shrugged and finished my drink.

"Speed things up? How?" 

_____

i honestly shouldnt publish this often because im not satisfied with the ending yet and if i keep this up im gonna run out of chapters before im ready and that will be bad

*flashbacks to writing wrong place,wrong time*

but hey! gerard cameo in next chapter ;)

sending lots of love
-L