The Specter of my Life (Frerard)

8 - silent nights

I was nervous. I haven't been on a date in a long time and I didn't know what to say, how to act or what to wear. I was used to going out to clubs and finding one-night stands, but this was much different. I liked this man and something about him made me very interested in something more than just meaningless sex.

I was so ready to try this though. I wanted this life. To have someone to come home to every night. Someone who isn't dead. I wanted to cuddle up next to someone after a long day at work and I felt like I could get that with Gerard. He was occupying my mind so much that day that I almost didn't hear the quiet voice in my closet.

I was just picking out the perfect outfit for my date with Gerard when I heard it. The tiniest of voices and I almost thought I was hallucinating it since I haven't been talking to any auras lately. I froze for a moment but then I shook it off and carried on with my preparations. It was when I opened my closet to find a different jacket that I saw him. It was a little boy with a white glow around him, cowering at the corner hidden by coats and jackets.

"Hello." I said a little bit shocked by seeing him.

"Hi." He said and his little child's voice.

"I'm Frank. What's your name, little guy?" I asked him, being as friendly as I could be.

"I'm Sean." He smiled a bit, probably with pride that someone was asking his name and he was able to say it flawlessly but I could tell he was scared.

"Hey Sean. What brings you here?" I kneeled to be eye level with him and gave him my warmest smile.

"I-" he stopped for a second and took a look around, "don't know. Do you know my daddy?" Sean asked with wide eyes.

"No, I don't think so, buddy. Sorry. I believe you are here for a reason though. Do you know what was the last thing that happened to you before you got here?" I tried asking.

"Um, no." He shook his head. I sighed and put a hand on my forehead in frustration. Well, fuck, exactly what I didn't need that day.

I sat down with Sean at my bed and started explaining the concept of death to him and he slowly started to piece together what he was doing in my apartment and why couldn't he go home. He was still white, which I didn't quite understand but since he still couldn't remember how he died I ignored it. I had to leave any second and I was torn. I felt bad leaving Sean alone in basically a stranger's apartment but I also didn't want to take him with me on the date.

I told him I had to leave and gave him the option of choosing what he wants. He was, of course, scared to stay alone so I had no choice but to take him with me. On the way, I was sweating profusely and asking Sean to keep it cool where we're going to which he nodded and kept looking out the window. I was so angry and nervous at the same time. This was my one shot at a normal life and of course, I couldn't do it without an aura behind my back. I prayed Sean switched with an adult that I could send elsewhere but this was a little kid scared of his own reflection if he could see it.

I sat behind the wheel for a while when I got to the station and I just breathed and thought about having a coffee with Gerard. I knew I wanted to make it work but I still wasn't sure if I was ready to devote my life to someone while having to literally do the devil's work. I almost wanted to start the car and leave and never come here again but then I saw him standing by the door, smoking a cigarette and all worries went away.

"Aw, what the hell. This might not even work out." I told myself quietly.

"What?" Sean asked from the backseat.

"Oh, nothing, just mumbling to myself, buddy." I smiled at him and hoped Gerard hasn't seen me talk to myself. Well, I was talking to Sean but since he can't see him I wouldn't want him thinking I'm a psycho. "Wait here okay? We'll move on soon." I winked at the kid as I was leaving the car and he just bounced in his seat because from what I could understand he liked car rides.