𝑰𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑬𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒔, thomas shelby

twelfth shot.

(twelfth shot)

12 | in which love
wasn't enough.

Since a long time ago, Bella had gotten used to the fact that Tommy wasn't very good at showing how he felt. She was always used to seeing him thoughtful or bored, happy was something she had never witnessed either, but if she could read him like a book at that moment, she would say he was surprised, and if Bella's vision wasn't fooling her, maybe hurt.

She'd been straightforward, because she knew it would be better for both of them so, Tom knew how to be cruel to women and that must be one of the greatest similarities between the two, because Bella knew how to be cruel to men.

"Is there nothing I can do?" He asked looking straight into her eyes.

Bella shook her head, calmer than she thought she would be.

"I don't think so."

Tommy threw the cigarette out the window, sighed and moistened his lips. She watched him come close to her, so close she could count his eyelashes.

"Bella, I know everything is a fucking madness now—"

"No, Tom," she interrupted, her voice was tender, she put her hand on his face caressing his cheek. "It was always a fucking madness between us, don't you remember?"

"And we deal with it." He whispered, looking conflicted with himself.

"Yes, we always deal with it. But ..." Bella shook her head, her eyes having nothing but persistent anguish. "I don't want to fight anymore."

Bella's voice broke at the end of her own words, because those words had been kept for so long. Bella discovered within that scene that was inside her own shell until that day, it was like taking a weight off her back and at the same time making a wound in her heart.

His hands were warm stroking the cold skin of Bella's fingers.

"Those hands," he began with his gaze locked on her terra-cota skin. "When I came back I wasn't strong enough to touch you with my dirty, bloody hands. I saw you for the first time in so many years, and you looked very fragile, very easy to break, very delicate." Bella closed her eyes as he leaned his face close to her hair.

"I heard your voice sometimes, under the tunnels, and I daydreamed that you were by my side. It seemed like an illusion, that day you came to visit me," Tommy broke off, drawing air into his lungs as if. It was very difficult. "I never realized how much I needed you until the day I believed I'd never see you again."

"I know." She whispered so softly that if he wasn't so close, she wouldn't listen. "I never doubted for a second that you love me and you care about me."

"I never meant for you to get hurt." He tried again, and there was a storm going on in his eyes.

"And in the end, you were the one who ended up hurting me." A ghost of a smile tried to bloom on her lips, Tommy kept standing in front of her, holding her hands and with the same dead look that Bella was used to.

"Ah, the irony, huh?" She heard him ramble, almost laughing at himself inside his mind, Tommy knew he had been the one to make mistakes with Bella from the beginning. "I can't change anymore, Bella. I can't be better than I am now."

"Tom, my love, I know," She told him and this time a smile really formed on her lips along with understanding on her features. "Because with me is the same."

He bowed his head and nodded slowly.

"I can't help but try." Tommy brought his forehead close to her forehead.

"Then try it." She slipped her fingers along the nape of his neck.

"Do not leave me." He whispered, Bella admired every detail of his face very close.

Bella kissed his cheek and eyelid.

"You need someone different from you, someone who can calm the beast inside your head, not make it stronger. And that person is not me, Tom, but you know that."

"I was just on good terms with it because of you." He brought their lips together without touching.

Bella pulled away from his arms.

"We both know that's not true." She smoothed the fabric of her suit, looking sadder than she would have liked. Tommy put his hands on her face, Bella closed her eyes at the warmth of his palms.

"I broke your heart?"

"You couldn't, it was already broken," she murmured, this time unable to look into his eyes. "You just left a crack that already existed before bigger."

"Tell me how I can compensate you."

"Ya'can not." Bella shook her head. "Not this time."

"Bella—"

"You better go, I know Madam Lee doesn't like to wait." She felt her hands shake as she started to walk to the door, opened it, holding it and staring at him.

Quietly, he headed for the door.

"You still have most of my heart, even if you leave me." He said to her in a low voice. "What you are to me will never change no matter how much time passes. Because after all these years, I never thought of a life without you in it."

"I still believe some people are soulmates, as if there was a piece of their soul born in a different body." Bella sighed, tightening the fabric of her dress. "I think that's who we are, so it's so hard to stay away. But we're also just parts of a dying past, you're just clinging to the shadow of what we were."

Tommy shook his head in denial.

"I know ya're not the same, Bella."

"You don't know, you still believe I'll wait for you, but you're back from the war, you're 'ere, and we're far away even when we're together." She wiped the tear that rolled down her cheek aggressively. "We are full of anguish and resentment. We need rest, my dearest love. Let's just rest."

Tommy felt as if his chest was opening, as if in the most brutal way, his still beating heart was being seen by her. She knew him, always knew him, and she knew he was exhausted and he didn't know how to live anymore.

And she was leaving him because she knew he would make all the wrong decisions.

"I can't rest, I'm a selfish man, my dearest love." said sincerely, more than ever before.

"Fall in love again, Tom. I wish you were luckier this time, I wish you to be happier," Bella pointed out. "Goodbye, Thomas."

[author's note]

I thank you all for the wonderful comments in the previous chapter, I hope you can express your opinion in this chapter as well. It was hard to write this chapter, these relationship endings always make feel me kinda sad hehe. Thanks for the reading and don't forget to vote!