The Trouble with the Rule

Chapter 13: Creating walls and burning bridges

Her eyes are full of anger. I never saw her this angry.

“Lahat na lang kinuha mo. Lahat na lang na sa ‘yo na. Ang perpekto na ng buhay mo. Sikat ka. Tinitingala ka ng lahat. Gusto kang maging kaibigan ng lahat. Lahat na ng atensyon na sa ‘yo na. Gustong gusto ka ng mga kaibigan ng mga magulang natin. May masaya kang pamilya. May magulang ka na mahal na mahal ka. May bestfriend ka na loyal sa ‘yo. Ang daming taong nagmamahal sa ‘yo. Wala kang kahati sa kahit na kaninong atensyon. Lahat na sa ‘yo. Kaya lang Piper.. paano naman ako? Kinuha mo na lahat. Wala ka ng tinira sa akin. Paano naman ako?” Napabalik siya sa pag-upo sa kama at tinakpan ang mukha niya saka umiyak.

I shifted my gaze. She looks so devastated. I feel like crying but I’m trying so hard not to because when I let my tears fall, I know it would take forever before I could stop it from falling. I swallowed and closed my eyes. I let out a deep sigh and sat at the bedside table. I composed myself. And when she finally stopped from crying, she looks at me, “Masaya ka na ba na nagkakaganito ako? Masaya ka na ba kasi – “

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry because that’s how you feel. But Hailey does it ever occur to you that maybe I didn’t want all of these? Fine. I have a confession to make. Alam mo ba kung bakit sobra kong sinusunod ang rule? It’s because I like where I am. I’m on top. I thought that if I stay where I am, the wound you left may somehow be healed. Kaya lang masyadong malaki ang sugat na iniwan mo kaya hindi magawang pagalingin ng kahit na ilang tao."

Tumingala ako so my tears won't fall then looked at her again, "You're so unfair, Hailey. Nasasaktan ka kaya sinaktan mo rin ako. I was so hurt when you left us. Wala akong pakialam kung hindi na ako popular as long as nandyan kayo. Because you, guys, are my treasure. Kung sa tingin mo I’m enjoying the attention.. then think twice. I'm surrounded by fake people. Some wants to befriend me so that they could get something. You, Nate and Warren are the only true friends I have. Pero  iniwan niyo ko. And nothing hurts more than knowing that the person who you trust the most betray you. Siguro nga wala ako sa posisyon mo para malaman 'yang nararamdaman mo pero isa lang ang sigurado ko. I'm sure that when I'm going to experience what you experienced, I won't leave my friend. Kasi I know how it feels to be left hanging. That hurts so fucking much. Hailey.. sana naisip mo na di ko sila pinilit gustuhin ako. Hindi ko intensyon na saktan ka sa kahit na anong paraan."

"That's the point Piper! Hindi mo sila pinilit and yet, ikaw pa rin ang gusto nila. I'm always a loser compared to you."

I smiled bitterly, "Si Warren.. kaibigan lang ang turing ko sa kanya. Alam mo ba.. when we finally fixed our friendship, he always tells me that everything will be alright. That you'll come back to us. Kasi he has faith in you. Just because he likes me in a different way doesn't mean that he likes you any less. Si Tita Sab.. alam mo ba one night she visited me and cried in front of me. Kasi pakiradam nya ang layo layo mo na. I'm with Tita Sab most of the time kasi parehas kami ng hilig. Pero kapag magkasama kami ikaw rin naman ang bukambibig nya. She always tells me that sana you were with us. Na sana sa susunod na ayain ka niya sumama ka na. Kasi lagi ka naman niyang inaaya pero lagi kang tumatanggi kasi gusto mo kamong magbasa. She’s so proud of you. Do you know that?

"Si mommy.. kung di mo alam lagi ka rin nyang kwinekwento sa akin. Lagi ka niyang pinupuri in front of me. You're the intelligent Hailey. The deep Hailey. The honor Hailey. But I never felt any jealousy whenever she does that. It's because I trust her and I believe in her. I believe in her love for me.

"Alam mo ang difference natin, Hailey, when it comes to our family and friends? Ako, I'm accepting the love they give because I'm willing to love them in return. Ikaw.. tinatanggihan mo ang pagmamahal nila kasi wala ka kayang ibigay na pagmamahal. Sabagay.. how could you love the people around you when you don't even know how to love yourself? You chose to create walls and burn bridges. But if only you'll see things clearly.. maiisip at makikita mo na maswerte ka kasi may mga nagmamahal sa'yo. May mga taong handa ka pa rin mahalin kahit ipagtulakan mo man sila palayo. I hope you could see that."

I stand up and take my bag. I took the book my mom asked me to give her and put it on the bed, "Mom told me to give this to you. Sabi niya you're having a hard time searching for that book."

I went outside the room and saw Nate and Warren standing in front of the door.

"Warren, kunin mo muna si Piper. Ako na lang muna ang bahala kay Hailey," Nate hugged me for a moment and whispers, "I'm so proud of you for not crying in front of her. Mukhang may problema pa sa inyong tatlo kaya icocomfort ko muna siya ha? I'll be back, Piper. I promise." Then he kissed me on my head.

Nginitian ako ni Warren and spread his arms wide so he could give me a hug. And when I can no longer hold back the tears, I started crying.