Last July

Chapter thirty eight

"Honey. I know you like this guy whether you wanna admit it or not"

I groaned. "I can't tell him okay"

"Why not?" She asked confused. " he's not seeing anyone"

He was but I hadn't gotten the chance to explain that. If she made herself available like she said she would've instead of messing around with brian, she'd know these things. What does it matter anyway? It'd hurt more to know if didn't matter to him knowing how I felt than speculating and I didn't want to seem as if I'm forcing myself either onto him. He wasn't interested in me, I already knew that so there was no point to the stupid conversation.

"I just can't okay and besides it doesn't matter. It'd fade at some point"

" I've watched you since you got back from the grocery store fiddling with your phone and I know you want to call him"

"I don't need to, his brother is with him so he's fine"

"Kenzy"

"Can we drop this please I don't want to talk about it anymore"

                                 *************************

Friday. The end of another work week. I hadn't written an ink for one week. I'm too caught up in all the disasters that have been rolling through my life lately to even concentrate. I laid in bed staring through the window. I needed to get myself together. The thought of moving again preyed on my thoughts throughout the night. Maybe it'd be a good move- to get away from it all. To start over somewhere fresh. What else could I do at this point? Everything back home would remind me of them, that said Jesse had a few clothes left from all the times she stayed with me. I could either text maverick and ask him to pick them up or simply take them to the shelter. If I was going to work on getting myself together, I'd better avoid seeing him likewise. As for staying away from Andrew that'd be easy. I wouldn't go to the shop anymore, he was never there really when I ventured to the lake and the only way we'd probably meet was if we needed groceries and since I'd shop yesterday that was highly unlikely.I

My phone vibrated against the side counter next to my bed, I continued staring out the window ignoring it. I wasn't in the mood for company and the door to my bedroom was locked keeping Phillisa out likewise. As I dozed the phone rang, sighing I stretched pulling it from the counter when it fell on the ground.

"Shit!" I mumbling getting from under the covers. " Hello? "

"Kendall"

I groaned hearing my mother's voice on the other end and slammed my body back into the bed.

"Mom, hi" I tried and failed to seem happy to hear her voice.

"How are you darling? You're not home yet?"

" No, no I'm not why? "

"Well I mean that might be good....somewhat but judging by our last conversation..."

" I still haven't found anyone to go under yet mom but don't worry I'm pretty sure something will work out eventually " I replied sarcastically.

"I might seem somewhat unbearable but there was no need for that tone young lady"

"Well don't call asking if I'm slept with a total stranger then it's insulting"

"I'm worried about you kendall"

I rolled my eyes

"I'm fine. You don't have to call, I'll take text and email from you preferably"

"You're absolutely unreadable and difficult you know that? I bet you're there wishing he'd come back aren't you? Sitting in your large sweaters socks and lying around.... "

Her voice trailed off and I heard my sister's voice in the background reprimanding her. I groaned and glanced down at myself. She was right though. About the dressing part that is. I swore a peach sweater which was formerly my father's, he'd given it to me The last time we went to his side's family reunion. It was a freezing Christmas and my own sweaters that I brought along wasn't doing me any justice. The socks were from my sister, a birthday present when I turned eighteen. Everything still fits perfectly. It was my comfort suit.

"Sorry about that" said my sister.

"Hey kate"

"Woa, okay so I'm not kay anymore, kendall?"

I smiled. We never called each other by our original names unless we were upset with each other or if something was bothering us. That's how we knew each other.

"Kay" I corrected. "How are you and the baby"

"He kicked hearing your name" she started to laugh and I smiled letting go of the irritation my mother had caused. "So, what mother was trying to say is, we wanted to spend sometime together, like we used to. Just the three of us"

"No thanks" I replied rolling my eyes. An entire day with my mother, my complete opposite, I'd be better off maneuvering the dessert.

"Kenzy, I know you're going through alot, I want to help and so does mom. I'd mean a lot if you could come"

"I can't"

"It doesn't have to be now, when you get back. She's our mother kenzy"

"She's maybe your mother" I replied.

"She's our mother and I don't want to loose my sister over silly arguments. I know you kenzy if you leave again I'm not going to see for a long time"

"I'm not running away kay, I'll be back" at least not yet.

"Finding a guy is great but friendship are good too you know and maybe it's better than the sex, yeah?"

I laughed. "Bye kay"