The Only Girl - Remus Lupin x Reader [Book 1]

The Full Moon

The full moon was quickly approaching and Remus was becoming more and more stressed, more than he usually was around the time of the transformation. He was worried that our animagus plan wouldn't work and he was concerned about our safety. We continuously told him that we'll be fine but we were beginning to be nervous ourselves. 

"Remus, everything will be ok." I assure him as we sit cuddled up by the fireplace in the common room. 
"How do you know this?"
"Just trust us."
"I do trust you all, it's me I don't trust." Remus says and I hug him.
"Don't say stuff like that."
"Why not? It's true." I hug him tighter than I already was. 
"No, it's not." I mutter into his chest. 

"Y/n, I'm not myself when I transform," He says. "I could rip your head off and I would feel no pain or remorse. I'm a monster."
"No you're not." I say. "Stop saying stuff like that about yourself."
"But it's the truth." He mutters. 
"No its not. Remus you are the kindest, sweetest, most caring person I know, you're not a monster." He wraps his arms around me and puts his head in the crook of my neck. 
"You're so amazing." He mutters. "I don't deserve you." I frown slightly but don't reply. I can tell this conversation isn't getting anywhere. We sit in silence for a while, just holding each other close.

Remus kisses me on the cheek. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" I ask.
"Saying all those thing." He says. 
"It's ok," I say. "It's how you feel, it's not true, but it's how you feel. Everyone feels badly about themselves."
"Do you?" He asks with his eyebrows furrowed. 
"Sometimes." I mutter. 
"Why?" He asks. "You're perfect."

"No I'm not." I say shaking my head and turning to face him. "Everyone has insecurities, just, some people are better at hiding it than others." 
"Y/n." Remus mutters and pulls me in for a hug. I can feel tears forming in my eyes. I had never talked to anyone about this, not even Sirius. "Talk to me."
"Sometimes it's about the way I look," I start. 
"Y/n, you're beautiful." Remus says quickly.
"Sometimes it's about the things that my mum says about me."
"Y/n, whatever she says it isn't true."

"Sometimes its the way that I push people away when something's wrong."
"Y/n." Remus says concernedly.
"No. I need to tell you what happened." 
"What do you mean?" Remus asks, looking confused as to what I was talking about.
"When I said I was upset because of an argument with my mum." I say. "That wasn't exactly what happened."

I tell him everything, from when my mum hurt me to when she used the Cruciatus Curse on me. He listens to every word I say and I can feel tears begin to roll down my face.
"Why?" He asks.
"What?"
"Why did she use it?" 
"I don't know, her and Sirius were arguing and she had her wand pointed at him, I didn't want her to hurt him so I stood in front of him. She told me to move but I refused then she used the curse on me. I don't remember much of what happened, just a lot of pain, Sirius was yelling something but I couldn't hear him. When it was over, me and Sirius got our stuff and rushed to James'" By this point I am full-blown crying and Remus is holding me comfortingly. 

"Don't cry, you're safe now. You're never going back there again." He assures me while rubbing circles on my back. I cry into his shoulder for a while. 

**Remus' POV**

It breaks my heart seeing her like this. I knew something bad had happened to her, I didn't realise it was this bad. I hold her close as she cries into me. I hold her for a while and eventually the sobs stop. I think she's stopped crying when actually she fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I cant leave her alone when she's like this but I cant take her to my room, Sirius would kill me. I sit, still holding her, contemplating my options.