Natasha's POV
The nurses are afraid of me. They should be. The one I punched was still changing my IV and everything, just with a black eye.
They still restrained me to the bed. I don't feel safe in this hospital. It might just be the restraints, but I hate it, Steve hates it, Clint hates it, Tony hates it. But this is all my fault. I should be dead right now. I would be saving them from this, I wouldn't be stuck to a stupid hospital bed, I wouldn't be watched 24/7.
I should have died.
***
Clint's POV
It sucks to see Nat like this. Tied to a hospital bed just because they wouldn't listen to us, when we told them how to deal with her nightmares.
Natasha looked lifeless. She doesn't, can't do anything. Nat just stares up at the ceiling, not speaking to anyone. It's like we're not even there.
This is why we should have gotten her help while we still could.
I walked back into Natasha's room, only to see Steve holding her hand, trying to bring her back to us, consoling her.
***
Steve's POV
I sat by Natasha, holding her hand, trying to get her hear me, listen to the words I am saying to her. Telling her that she isn't worthless, that she isn't heartless, telling her that she deserves all the love in the world.
At least she looks at me now, and her wounds are healing, they will stop restraining Natasha, and release her from the hospital today. Even when Nat heard the news, she didn't seem happy. I want to do everything in my power to make her happy, but for now, it seems like a dead end.
***
Tony's POV
"Nat! It's time to come home," I practically yelled at her, hoping I'd get a response. I saw her eyes perk up slightly, but then went back to their now normal sad state.
I brought Pepper with me to help Natasha change into her everyday clothes. I waited in the room while Pepper changed her in the bathroom. While sitting there, I heard Pepper say, "Come on, Natasha, the sooner we get this part over with, the sooner you can leave."
A few minutes later, Pepper and Natasha left the room. Nat was wearing her striped hoodie and jeans. She looked exhausted. Pepper looked annoyed, but was obviously trying to hide it for Natasha.
The nurse brought in the usual wheelchair to roll Natasha to the car, and Nat didn't even put up a fight. We all had expected her to argue, but she stayed silent.
We wheeled her to the car that SHIELD had provided, and headed back to the Tower.
I took Natasha back to her room, while everyone else was hurrying to make a special dinner for her. Natasha simply sat on her bed.
"Hey, Nat, what's going on?" I asked calmly. "You know you can tell me, right?"
Natasha opened her mouth as if to say something, but closed it a second later. She shook her head. I sighed.
"All we want is for you to get better. All of us will be there for you, whatever it takes." I told her. Natasha only nodded. "Let's go downstairs for dinner, alright?" I didn't wait for her response, and gently pulled her down to the rec floor.
The table was set with spaghetti, garlic bread, and salad. I sat Natasha down at the head of the table, and started to serve everyone.
"How're you Natasha?" Steve asked, he sounded hopeful. Natasha only nodded her head.
A moment of silence passed before the others started to bombard her with questions. Nat didn't answer any of them, except with the occaisional head nod or shake. Her eyes were starting to get glassy, I could tell it was with tears. I knew that she was fighting them back.
Clint started to gently rubbed her back.
"Why don't you eat something?" Clint asked softly to Natasha. Nat only shook her head, and got up from the table and went to the elevator. We all sat there in silence.
"I've go this." Steve said, and put his napkin on the table. Clint and I watched quietly as Steve got into the elevator and up to Natasha's floor.
***
Steve's POV
I exited the elevator, this time making sure that my footsteps were heard, so that Natasha knew that I was coming, so I wouldn't startle her.
I entered her bedroom, and sat on her bed. I knew that she was in the room somewhere, I could hear her occaisional ragged breath.
I got up and looked around the room for a few moments until I finally spotted her huddled on the floor in between the couch and the wall. Her breathing was shallow, and there were tears from her eyes.
"Hey, Nat." I crouched down next to her, and started rub her arm. I gently pulled her into my arms. She didn't tense up as I had expected.
"You want to tell me what's going on?" I asked. Nat shook her head. "You haven't said anything in a while, Natasha, are you okay?" I pressed further. Natasha just looked at me. "Just say something, anything, please."
***
Natasha's POV
I opened my mouth to respond to Steve, I was going to tell him to shut his trap and to leave me alone, but all that came out was a few inaudible croaks. I knew my breathing was shallow, I blamed that on being weepy all the time, but I thought I would be able to still use my vocal cords.
Steve looked taken aback.
"Natasha, whats wrong?!" I tried to answer him, but nothing could come out. I instead looked at Steve pleadingly, hoping that he would understand that I didn't want him to tell the others, they were stressed out about me enough.
"I'll be right back, Natasha, stay here." Steve said as he got up to tell the others. Although he didn't say it, I knew what he was doing.
Stay here my ass I thought. I got up from my bed and headed to the training room, I needed to punch off my emotions, they were to much for me right now.
A/N
Sorry for the crappy chapter, the story gets better, promise.
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Fanfiction*Warning* This story mentions self-harm, suicide, and abuse. Rape is hinted at but not explicitly said. Read at your own risk. When Natasha's nightmares start to come back, everything goes to.... well, shit to be honest. Steve, Tony, and Clint try...
