Go Away

Part Three

Natasha's Point Of Veiw

I don't know why they care so much. Why they care about me. Steve and Tony don't know who I was before, and if they knew, they would probably kick me out of the Avengers. Clint knows, but he is a mindless caring machine. They shouldn't care about me so much. I've done nothing for this world but lower the population and make the crime rates grow. 

All I can think about is the Red Room, what I did for it, what I did to the other girls in the program, my sisters. All I can think about is the blood I spilled, their blood. All the deaths I've caused. I don't deserve to be in the Avengers. I don't deserve to be alive. 

I ran to the bathroom, knowing that that would be the one place that Tony wouldn't set cameras up in. I closed the door, and locked it. At least there was one place where I could get some privacy.

I took off my sweater, leaving me in just my tank top. I grabbed my razor. I couldn't think, I just wanted to die. 

I pressed the razor on my wrist, and moved it side to side. It burned, and stung, but I deserved worse than this. 

*Knock*

*Knock*

*Knock*

"Natasha, are you in there?" I heard Steve call out from behind the door. 

"Yes, I just finished taking a shower, I'll be out in a few!" I yelled back. I pulled my razor down, which I instantly regretted, because I let out a small yelp, causing Steve to hear me. 

"Natasha, are you okay?" 

"Yeah, I just stubbed my toe." I faked a laugh. I quickly put my razor back, and pulled my sweater on, covering my forearm. I poured some water on my hair to make it seem like I just showered, and stepped out of the bathroom.  Steve wasn't in my room any more, so I quickly went down stairs to the rec floor, and hid my arm a bit.  I saw Steve, and I faked a smile, and pretended that what happened was all a joke.

***

Tony's POV

We were all getting worried about Natasha. She was getting distant again. Nat was spending more and more time in her room, and as all of us have noticed, she wasn't really eating. 

Steve, Clint, and I decided to make hourly runs into her room to check on her, which is what Steve was doing, when he heard her in the bathroom. Steve told us that Natasha yelped, but claimed that she just stubbed her toe, but I'm not sure I believe her.

Natasha walked into the tv room, where all of us were watching some stupid reality show. She sat down on the chair, and smiled at Steve.

Nat seemed normal enough now, but I could tell she was hiding something.  

***

Clint's POV

"Natasha, can you pass me the remote?" I asked, it was on the side table by her. She reached over, and passed it to me. 

Tony out of nowhere grabbed her arm, mid handing the remote to me, and we all noticed. There was blood seeping into the fabric of her sweater. 

"Natasha, be honest, what happened." Tony asked, he was bitter.

Nat didn't say anything, she merely pulled her arm away.

"Natasha, you're bleeding, let us help you." I said. Natasha only hid her arm further from us.

Tony got up, and made a grab for her arm, to look at the wound. Natasha immediatly got up and backed away from him.

"Why won't you just leave me alone?" She asked, obviously annoyed. 

"Natasha, you are bleeding, we have a right to be concerned."Tony replied.

"Natasha, maybe if you just told us what's going on, we could at least understand, and maybe even help you." Steve said.

"Just go away." tears started streaming down Natasha's face. She quickly dried them, and showed her mask. All  hints emotions,  were gone from her face, she looked blank. 

Natasha whimpered. She started to twist around in the chair. 

Natasha let out a blood curdling scream, and started to say "I comply, I comply." Over and over again. It was like she was living her nightmare. "no, no!" she yelled.

I got up and started to walk over to help her. Nat got up from her chair, and started to back away from me. 

"I comply, net ser plazhaluysta!" She switched to Russian. I only knew of one thing that would make her do that if we weren't on  a mission. A flash back.

Natasha kept backing up. She burst into tears, fearful, sobbing tears. I crept closer. Nat was up against the wall, and was obviously pushing up against it, trying to get away from me. It hurt to see her like this .

"Tony, we need to sedate her!" I yelled. I regretted that I raised my voice, for it caused Natasha to whimper and cry.

Tony ran to get the sedation, and came back as quickly as possible. 

I quietly aproached her. Natasha's head was buried in her knees. I kneeled down beside her, Natasha scooted over. I grabbed her arm tightly. Natasha was desperately trying to get it and her away from me. 

I poked the needle in to her arm. Natasha whimpered. I cupped her face with my hands as she started to go under.

When Natasha slumped up against me, I knew she was out. I picked her up bridal style, and started to carry her towards the elevator.

Tony took her from me as soon as the doors of the elevator opened.

"I got it from here, Clint, you need some rest." Tony said.

I tried to protest, but it was useless.

***

Tony's POV

I held Natasha carefully as I carried her to her room. Nat looked so small like this. When she was awake, she always had such a big presence.

I laid her down on her bed, and started to stroke the hair away from her face. I only did this now because I knew that if Natasha wasn't sedated, she would probably kill me. 

I was about to leave when I noticed the handcuffs on her nightstand. I quickly put them in my pocket, along with the key, and left the room to let Natasha sleep.