Torn

Chapter 28

But I can only go so far.

I picked up my phone as text messages and missed calls came beeping in from Demi. Im going to call her. I miss her way to much. When I hear her voice, it's only going to kill me even more.

I just.. I just need Demi for this stupid orientation. We listen to the principal talk, make my schedule, go around to the classrooms and meet the teachers. Demi should be here, but she isn't.

I slowly clicked on Demis contact and it only rang twice before her voice flooded through the speakers, "Annie?! Baby?"

"Yeah.." I uncomfortably shifted, turning away from the mirror and leaning against the counter.

"I miss you so, so, so much," she breathed.

"I know," I said, "I miss you too,"

She let out a sigh of relief, "Are you getting ready for your orientation?"

Of fucking course im about to cry. It seems like I've been crying a lot lately. Missing her and her missing this is just taking a toll, but I'm trying my best to keep the tears in.

"Yeah," I mumbled, "Y-you should be here."

"I know," I could hear the guilt in Demi's voice and i kind of feel bad. If she could be here, she would be, "And I'm so, so, sorry, baby girl. I'm making Marissa document every moment! I'll feel like I'm right there with you!"

"But I won't feel that way," I spoke, "I'm not.. I'm not mad. It's just going to suck because you're my mom and.. It's just a thing parents and kids to with each other," I said.

I could basically hear her heart thump trough the phone. I know I'm making her feel guilty and I hated myself for it because shes only trying to straighten herself up for me.

"You don't understand how horrible I feel," Demi said, "Just think! I'll be there on your first day. I'll take so many pictures, I'll take you to school and pick you up and do it all over again everyday. I'll make this up to you."

I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. I should be more understanding, but I cant bring myself to be. Either way, she wouldn't be here. Either I would be on tour with her today, or it would be like how it is now.

"Annie, are you ready?" Marissa yelled down the hall.

"I have to go," I mumbled into the phone.

"I'm so sorry, baby girl. Go have fun and tell your teachers I'll come meet them soon. I love and miss you more than I could ever put into words."

"I love and miss you too," and then I hung up.

•••

Me, Marissa, Maddie, and Dianna sat together in a row where the principal was speaking. I wasnt paying attention, my mind was elsewhere.

I watched as a girl my age nudged her mom at something the principal had said and her mom smiled back at her.

Then there was a mother who was slowly nodding, absorbing all the information while making small glances at her daughter, who was paying just as much attention, which made a smile tug at her lips.

There was a daughter who brought up snapchat and took a picture of her and her mother pretending to be bored.

Between the girl that nudged her mother, the girl paying attention, and the girl taking snapchat pictures, I felt all to overwhelmed. I could be one of them. I should be.

I can't be the only one.

I looked around some more and spotted a boy with his mother. He had his phone out and she kept quietly telling him to put it away but he glared at her and continued doing whatever. Unappreciative.