Lose Control (The Jewel Project #5)

28.2|| Rest in Pieces

She just nodded, her gaze lost somewhere in the distance. He could tell she was exhausted and he felt bad for keeping her with him, asking for more time. But he couldn't tell her to go home, not when he felt so lost.

"Confusion is keeping away the pain," she finally said.

"I guess. I feel... Lost."

She turned to him, a mild frown creating a crinkle between her eyebrows. "How so?"

The question shocked him. It was so obvious and she'd guessed much more difficult things.

"My father died and yet my resent towards him is not going away. That live and let die thing is bullshit." He faltered, trying to pull himself back together, but his hands were suddenly shaking. "I feel so guilty because I loved him, I really did, but I just love my memory of him. I..."

Shit, this was getting out of hand, like word vomit coming out of him, voicing feelings he hadn't even figured out yet.

"I'm so angry with him and my mother and... Snitch Gravel. He owes me nothing and yet, I'm angry at him. Because they keep lying. My dad wasn't even capable to leave answers in his will, just more bullshit questions. Cutting Kyle off? What the hell? What was his problem? And another uncle we knew nothing about? When will all this bullshit end?"

He couldn't breathe. All the words had come out much faster than he could take in air and perhaps jumbled up into an intelligible mess. Now he had to supply his lungs and brain with oxygen because he was going insane.

Skye grasped his shoulders and gave him a little shake, but it only seemed to rattle him more, send a few other screws loose.

"And Christine and Harry. This is maybe the suckiest time of my life and they weren't there. Maybe not for me, but for the others, for the people they insist are their friends. Angie was there, even if she and Tom broke up. You were there even if you have nothing to do with our twisted family. But them..."

She shushed him and pulled him into a hug. It set his entire body on fire, driving the madness out of his head. The way she held him against her, stroking his hair, brought on an entire different type of madness.

But in spite of that, it calmed him down. It was okay. Freider was dead and he could come to peace with that. Love the father who raised him and get used to a life without answers. Nothing new there. His mother was nothing but a helpless child. And Christine and Harry... He was done expecting things from them.

Everything would work out eventually. Because he had his brothers and they'd figure this all out.

Because he had her.

You don't. You're just finding comfort where you shouldn't. But was it wrong to like it, to feel like it healed him?

His fingers dug into her waist then trailed up and down her back. Maybe it was from the cold, but she shivered. This wasn't okay, because it wasn't real. It feels real. So real that it was frightening. Not a teenage fantasy like his relationship with Christine had started out.

No, just and impulsive need to be loved by someone. Skye doesn't love you. He didn't love her. He just clung to her like a drowning man.

"You shouldn't be doing this," he mumbled into her hair. "You're enabling me."

"Doesn't it make you feel better?"

"Well, yes, but you don't have to do this, this can't be good or comfortable for you."

"Hugs are medicine, Snowflake. Even for doctors."