Lose Control (The Jewel Project #5)

16.1|| Therapy

College had been a bad idea. The moment Sam stepped back into the flurry of people, he realized he wasn't ready. It wasn't just the constant musings whether the building would blow up because he was there. What hurt most were the shouted questions concerning why Christine dumped him.

What did he do? Because everything in this world was his fault. And he was getting sloppy. Everyone had noticed he was getting sloppy.

"Really now, Sam, what the hell happened?"

Even the people he got along and hung out with questioned him, the glee only half-hidden behind concerned expressions. Jerry had been right. It was delicious to watch someone fall.

Sam just shrugged, said he didn't want to talk about it, tried to focus on his actual classes and pick up what he'd missed, then, as soon as the last class was over, he hit the ground running.

You have to do this. You can't hide forever. And they'll grow tired of it. 

It would be in the news. Christine would know where to find him. And she'd come and break him. Or not come and break him even more because it would mean she didn't care.

You don't want her to care. He did. He wanted her to come and cry and tell him she was sorry and couldn't live without him.

What good would that do? You're not taking her back. Except at that moment, he would. He needed someone to hold him and tell him everything would be alright. Which was a normal reaction and he sure as hell didn't need the therapy he was heading for.

What would the doctor even tell him? Oh, you're heartbroken, have some pills. He didn't want pills. He wanted Christine back.

The thought plagued him as he drove to the Agency and headed for the fifth floor where the on-call therapist had his office.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Sam mumbled, hitting his fist against the wall as he made his way to the man's door.

He wished he had a choice, but being cooped up in an office, stuck with paperwork was not an option. Neither was failing at field missions and seeing Christine in random strangers, but that he could handle with a little practice.

It was a one time thing. He needed field missions to challenge him and keep his mind off Christine. Ugh, he had to practice not thinking about not thinking about Christine.

Keep her out of your head, out of your life where she belongs. 

Easier said than done. Her betrayal was a constant ache that pulsated even when he wasn't thinking about her. Like nails through his brain. Not the brain, the skull. The brain didn't have nerve endings, so there would be no actual pain. 

Well, at least I'm still capable of being a total geek. She hadn't taken that from him, even if she'd left little else. His capacity to focus, make fast decisions, not be a total drag of a person, all gone just because she'd decided he wasn't enough and that Harry, out of all people, could fulfill her needs.

Were they together now? Did Harry warm her bed every night, no longer needing to hide?

Don't think about that! 

Great, he was shouting at himself now. Maybe he really needed a shrink.

Sam took in a deep breath as he stopped in front of a wooden door with a sign indicating that it was Dr. Skye Brandon's office. What kind of name was Skye? Another plate read 'If the door is closed, I am with another patient. Please have a seat. I will be right with you.'

Sam looked around. There were no chairs, just empty corridor. Great. He leaned against the wall, stuffing his hands in his pockets. This was a complete waste of time and now he had to wait for his time to be wasted.