Chapter Fifty Eight: Passive Disposition

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Song: Without You 

Artist: for KING & COUNTRY feat. Courtney 

Passive Disposition

Blake

The past is an unbearable thing. It defined us into the people we were today and would tomorrow. It broke us. People said they understood but actually, they didn't. They weren't there to see it. They weren't there to hear it and they weren't there to feel everything. The stuff that we've done in the past built up and stabbed us in the back in the worst way possible. None of us moved on from that day. Yes, we continued with life but the reality of it all hung in the air and held us captive.

Ethan stuck around and helped his dad's business but we all knew he hoped Miranda would show up one day. Carter went back to Connecticut to continue studying, that's all he could do. Live out her dream. Aidan eventually saved up money to visit Tiffany in Canada. He didn't want to come back once he got there. I stayed the entire summer in Illinois. Ursula came along too but missed Minnesota and left a few weeks ago. I couldn't find it in me to leave.

The beep of the security gate went off when I walked through. I sighed and pulled out my chain and showed the guard. He nodded, and I collected the rest of my stuff before I walked into the visitation room. It was full today. Maybe because summer was almost over and people had to return to work or school soon. I dreaded the thought of college. 

I found an open seat and table in the center of the room. Lana walked in moments later. Her hair straightened and hung over her shoulders, a slight pink faded on her lips that dropped when she saw me.

"You've visited so much that the girls think I'm cheating on Levi." The corner of her mouth turned up, and I chuckled. That smile didn't last long when she stared at me. "Blake, why do you still visit me?"

"I want to visit you."

"You don't have to visit." Lana tilted her head. "Or do you visit because you're guilty conscious is showing because you feel you're a part of the reason I'm in here? Just like how Ethan is staying and Aidan doesn't want to come back and how Carter's committed to staying at Yale."

"Yes, we do feel guilty. Can you blame us? You've been through hell."

"It makes the next twenty-plus years in here seem like a piece of cake."

"I'm sorry, for everything that's ever happened to you, Lana

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"I'm sorry, for everything that's ever happened to you, Lana." Lana opened her mouth, but I raised a hand to stop her. "I know I say it every time I visit but if it weren't for that stupid, f*cking bet we wouldn't even be here. You'd be going back to Yale or vacationing with Levi, while I'm in Minnesota or here with my mom... we'd be happy."

Lana's eyes were glossy, and the sniffle drew her to inhale. We sat in silence for a moment. The truth spread out into reality all around us. Lana would grow up with some of these inmates. Their wild hair whether short, long or dyed weren't the thing that drew attention to them but what they're in here for. I guess Lana is surviving because she's with Keene's mom. Either that or nobody wanted to mess with a girl who's charged with involuntary manslaughter.

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