Fifty Shades of Him (h.s. au)

XXXIII

Harry wrote everything: his childhood, his dreams, his success, and about me. The pages are littered of drawings and pictures from magazines of the two of us. There's one of us on the ice rink, his smile wide and my left hand on his stomach. So many rumors circulated from the ring on my finger but Harry tweeted we aren't engaged.

I read for hours before stumbling upon the last page. The last page is a letter. I don't know why but I can't read it. The handwriting is messy and there are splotches from tears on the paper.

Reagan-

I know what I am doing is wrong. I'm angered with myself for I know I've hurt you. There is so much that hurts me right now and you should not be victim of my hurt. When you said so clearly that I'm just like him, everything changed. It was unintentional and I fear what could have happened. There is nothing I want more than to take it back but it's too late.

When you read this, please note that I was a crying mess writing this. I'm sat in my car, freezing but writing everything for you. It's the least I can do for someone I've hurt.

Reagan Elizabeth, I hope you find this to clear my name of every horror I've placed upon you for I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I watched you leave again. You warned me from early on that you'd leave me if I gave you a reason to. I'm a mess because I gave you a reason to.

There are times I wish I was better for you. I brought this on myself and I want to say goodbye in person after you've read this. Just know that this is the hardest and most terrifying event in my entire life because I've fallen in love with you and I can't seem to stand back up.

My only wish was that I can tell you in person but the words don't come out right. I'm saying it out loud over and over right now, only due to the fact that it's the only time I'll ever be able to say it.

Yours Truly
Harry

The book falls out if my hand and I attempt to comprehend what was written. Never would I have thought he was in love with me. The worry and not knowing if he was ceases for he loves me.

Harry doesn't understand that unveiling his feelings will do him good in the long run. By him saying he loves me only makes me aware that he's mine. All he ever does is run from his feelings but now he's come to terms with them.

My God. I love him.

Without another thought, I'm walking to the door and opening it. When I walk out, Harry isn't heard but he's sitting quietly on the couch. The creak in the floorboard indicates my presence and he stands up, wiping droplets from his cheeks.

"Don't ever say goodbye," I tell him, his arms wrapping around me tightly. I'm lifted and I wrap my legs around his waist tightly, his head burying into my neck.

"I need you more than you know," he whispers, my hand fisting his curls.

"You-You wrote you fell in-" he cuts me off.

"I know what I wrote. It's hard for me to say that," he whispers, my neck covered in his tears.

"I need to hear you say it," I whisper, his arms tightening.

"Reagan," he sighs, my hand letting go of his hair. I move my legs away from him and stand, his arms desperately holding me.

"No, don't leave."

"I'm not leaving."

He pulls me closer and I hold him, running my hands along his back.

"There was a day, in October, where I found myself thinking about you. You were sleeping beside me and I knew I was falling for you. I fell hard and fast for you but I had horrible experiences. I don't want this to end," he whispers, my hand pulling the beanie off his head. The length of his hair allowed me to get a good grip before but I need this hat off.