Maps || l.h. au

07 // May 11, 2014

 

   Her father slides the plane ticket towards her on his desk.

   "It's time you stop this vacation nonsense," he said. "I'm sure we've convinced NYU to get you since you're on their scholarship list. You'll be leaving this afternoon so pack your bags."

   Soundlessly, Leah took the ticket from the desk, staring at it with some sort of resentment yet she couldn't get that anger out of her chest. It felt like as though if she let it out, the world would come crumbling down in pieces she doesn't have the power to fix or to glue back together.

   "You can go now," her father added stiffly, looking back at the pile of paperwork on his desk.

   Leah stood up without saying anything and went out of the study room, still staring at the plane ticket in her hand.

   She could imagine Luke's disappointment through his writing already, once he'd know what she has done. It's been almost a month since she last wrote to him, and she was both scared on what he might say to her about her actions and concerned on what possibly is happening to his side of the year now.

   Leah knew that this was probably a very submissive-stupid-kind-of-way move, to still act as though her parents took hold of her future. Since she got kicked out at Harvard and her course was for Creative Writing, she knew that her father had enrolled her in the course that he first wanted her to take—Law. All because he wanted her to take his place in the politics (her father was the mayor in Los Angeles).

   If she just didn't date Collin, she would've still be in Harvard today, listening to her professors drone on about their new lesson as their voices echo in the large classroom. She would still be pursuing her dream of becoming a writer and living in the satisfaction that for once in her life, she got to do something successfully with her own choice.

   She didn't want to become someone her parents have molded completely—she wanted to be someone that she wants to be.

   But she just couldn't set aside all the things her parents have done for her to live the kind of life she has now. And they even had NYU accept her---even if the course is something she's not happy with---and they only want a secure future for her.

   'Yeah, by taking away your will and freedom of choice,' a small voice at the back of her mind snarls at her.

   Leah ignored the voice in her head and went inside her bedroom. She didn't want to have a fight with anybody . . . well, she didn't like fights, to be honest. What was the point of fighting people who always had the upper hand when it came to her? Leah would always be the loser to almost everything, and it's because of this fact that she's losing everything that she has thought for herself. It'd be better if someone else made the decisions for herself before she ends up corrupting her own life accidentally.

   'So, what—you're gonna be a puppet to people who will probably die before you do?' that small voice in her head spoke again. 'And if they died, what would you do? Would you conjure up their spirits to have them continue making the decisions for you? For all you know, Hoffman, they could be in Hell.'

   "Could you please fucking shut up?" Leah mumbled to herself furiously, putting the plane ticket on the bed side table and rubbing her temples. Great; now she was having an argument with herself, how ironic.

   Underneath her bed, she pulled out her old suitcase that she used whenever she had to stay in long places, AKA the one she used when she was still in Harvard. Dust has slightly settled on it and when she unlocked and opened it, her backpack inside was the first thing that greeted her.