Wildflower (Kris Bryant)

21 Can't Go On

Kris

I walk up to Serenity's house and see her sitting on the front porch. Her hair getting a bit long but she still looked so beautiful. I loved the simplicity of her look, I don't think she wore any makeup and she drinks so much water that there's never been a thought of a blemish on her face. But for the first time since we met her lips weren't pulled tight in to a small smile, instead the sides of her mouth faced down as her lips stay purses together. The worry lines on her forehead lead me to believe that everything is not well as she always say it is. I know everything isn't well, but up until a few moments ago I didn't have much proof to bring it up to her. If she said she was happy I wasn't going to be the reason she wasn't. But now I think she's the one who's going to tell me.

As I get closer I see the dark shadow hanging over her. It looked like it was about to rain and that felt about right too. She had texted me to come over not too long ago and didn't say much else. I felt like we were in a good place in our relationship, but maybe I had it wrong. Maybe I was stuck in the honeymoon phase and she wasn't. I wasn't sure what was happening but I knew something was wrong.

I go over and sit next to her on the porch swing causing it to move back and fourth. She had her necklace in her hand and I felt my heart drop. I look at her and I can tell her that she had been crying. It broke my heart seeing her like this and I wanted it to end. I wanted it to be all over but I didn't even know what it was to start with.

"Babe, what's wrong" I ask softly. She sniffles as she looks at her necklace in her hand. I've never seen her sad before, let alone crying, so I knew this... whatever this was... it was hard for her.

"We can't go on anymore" she says between sniffles and hiccups. I shake my head as I turn to her and grab her hand.

"I don't know what you're talking about but I know that's not true. Whatever it is we can work on it" I beg.

"I'm sick, Kris" she says. "We can't go on because I'm sick."

"Sick how" I ask.

"I have a heart disease and it's getting worse each day. There's no surgery or medication that can save me from this heart. Each day gets harder and harder and I can't keep putting on this show like everything is okay. My heart is weak. My lungs are failing and not too far from now they're going to fail" she explains.

I just look at her as I shake my head. I feel a tear drop on my cheek as I wipe it away. "No" I insist. "I can't lose you. Not now" I demand.

"You have been so good to me" she starts as she turned to me. She wipes away a tear on my face as she looks into my eyes. "I was so afraid that I would never get to experience love. I never have any regrets but I would have if I never met you. If I didn't see where you and I could go if we fell in love unconditionally. You are the best thing that I have ever known. Not even my books bring me the amount of happiness you have. And I know we haven't had a lot of time together, but I don't remember my life before you. I don't want to either. I never thought that I would feel the love that I do for you. But you picked me and you cared for me. You are better than anything I deserve and I love you so" she says softly.

"How do I fix this" I ask. "Just tell me what to do to fix this and I'll do it. Anything" I beg.

She just shakes her head as she tries to hand me the necklace. "You have to pick someone else" she demands.

"I can't. I won't" I promise. She tries to give me the necklace again but I take her hand and make her hold it. "I'm not going to give up on you. Not now not ever. You're still here and so am I. And I'm not going anywhere" I claim.

"Kris you have so much more than me to worry about. You have your wonderful family and these god given baseball abilities. You can't throw everything away to watch me die" she insists.

"I have waited my whole life to find you. I've dreamed of a love like ours and I finally have it, I'm not letting it slip through my fingers. And as far as I'm concerned if there's even a small chance to keep you by my side I'm taking that chance no matter the cost" I say.

"And that's why I haven't told you until now. I was hoping that you could let me go-" she starts.

"Never" I say harshly. "I'm never going to let you go. You are my happiness, you're the reason I love and the reason I live. You're the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I fall asleep. I'm not going to let you push me away because you're scared" I accuse.

"I don't want to hurt you" she cries.

"Nothing hurts more than the thought of losing you and not even trying to keep you. Nothing would hurt more than walking away from here today knowing that you're still here and I can't show you how much I love you. How much I need you" I say.

"I don't know what to do" she says softly. She throws her face in her hands as she wipes her tears away.

I pull her into my lap and she curls up there. I softly rub her back as she cries. "What needs to happen for you to stay alive" I question.

"I need a new heart and set of lungs. The heart isn't the problem, thousands of people get new hearts every year, but hardly ever is there a good fit for rue heart and lungs" she explains.

"So we find you a heart and lungs and you stay" I ask.

"As long as my body accepts it all" she claims.

"Okay. Then let's find you some organs" I say.

She turns over so she's looking up at me. I wipe her tears away as she hiccups a little. "I don't want you to get your hopes up and it not work out" she claims.

"And I don't want you worried about me" I tease.

She smiles a little as she sniffles away the rest of her tears. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you" she says.

"I'm not happy about it. But you were right, me knowing changes a lot and I would have done some things differently if I knew. We fell in love in the best way possible and I wouldn't change a thing about it. I trust that you did what's right. Just sucks right now" I admit and she even giggles a little.

"I'm sorry" she says.

"Please stop apologizing. I'm sure you've already been through a lot" I insist.

"More than you will ever know. And I hate that this is what's brought my family together after all this time but it's been nice to have everyone around. And now I have you and I'm trying to write a book. I just... I have so much to lose" she claims.

"I know baby. But I were going to see this through to the end, whenever that may be" I promise.

"I hope it's a long time" she admits.

"Yeah, me too" I sigh.