Wildflower (Kris Bryant)

18 Falling Apart

Serenity

I've spent many of my days in the hospital while I was growing up. I've been at the same one my whole entire life, just in different parts of it as I went from pediatrics to cardiology and everywhere between depending on the day and the heart problem. And while I love the nice and hardworking people here who have never given up on me, I hated being in that place. It's cold and frightening and I almost never get good news from there that isn't "you're okay to go home" which is usually followed by "Come back as soon as you feel like find something wrong."

And so I was sent to hospital this morning when I couldn't breathe before turning blue and passing out in the kitchen while making breakfast with my older brother. I woke up in the hospital and I hate myself for it. That's another bill on my plate, yet another set back in my life and now I'm another step closer to being stuck in the hospital for a long time. Or worse, dead.

"Your numbers are returning to normal" my doctor says as he writes some stuff down. "Since you've been good with the medications you were able to counter this episode pretty quickly. Once your heart rate is in rhythm and you can breathe normally you're good to go.

But Ren, I promise you that the next time you're in this hospital you're not going to be able to just walk out of here like this" he claims.

I let my head fall as I close my eyes. I could feel my heart beating out of time as I try to control it. But I never could.

The doctor comes by my bed and rests his hand on my shoulder. I try to keep my emotions in check but I was so tired of fighting them. So tired of being scared. I wanted this to be over and I wanted it to end now.

"I'm sorry, Serenity. I really am. As soon as we get a match we will call you. You are the top of the donor list. But until then just take it easy and try to keep away from here, eh" he asks.

I smile at him a little as I nod my head. "Yes sir."

After I get a IV done and my x-rays come back just fine I get released to go home. I was supposed to be with Kris today but I lied and said I felt ill so I couldn't make it in. Technically I was correct, but if he knew I wasn't at home and in the hospital he would have flipped. I just hope I can feel better so I can see him sometime today. So I get home and inside to where my dogs were. That's where I would be my happiest. I go to my room and stop when I get to the door.

Inside my room was a bouquet of flowers and a stack of brand new books sitting on the corner of my bed. I go over to sit down and look at them as I smile. "Kris came by earlier" someone says and I turn to the door.

When I turn around I see my older brother Landon standing there. He had his arms crossed against his chest as he leaned against the door.

Landon was my only sibling that is older than me and he never let me forget it. I never argued with anyone like I did with him, but at the end of the day I loved him. He didn't live here anymore but he still lived in the city and stuck around. He has been around a lot more since I came back home and it wasn't a secret why.

When I was little he protected me to the best of his abilities. I didn't get in much trouble but when I was getting picked on for being a book nerd or for wanting to read rather than screw the high school jock in the back of his pickup truck he was there to punch my problems in the face. Sometimes more than once. He never let his little sister suffer alone and he was my rock forever. And since I moved back he's been around a lot but I don't get to see him much. He has a wife and they're expecting their first kid here pretty soon. He is way past the part of our lives where he is taking care of me. But yet he's still here giving me a hard time.

"So you finally got to meet him" I say.

"Yeah. He was worried about you because you had the flu..." he trails off. "The flu Ren? How come you haven't told him" he shuns.

"Because you see this stuff" I say motioning to the things on the bed. "This is because of the flu. So where does deadly heart disease get me? A make a wish" I ask.

"God you're so stubborn" he accuses.

"Says the man who still wants to take care of his 21 year old sister" I challenge.

"I have to take care of you because you won't take care of yourself you dumb ass" he claims.

"I'm still here" I assure him.

"For now" he counters.

I just sit there and think for a second because he has a point. The episodes were more often and every time it's worse than the one before. I was one more heart defect away from being six feet under and of course it's right when everything was finally looking up for me.

My brother comes in and sits next to me. He picks up a book as I look at him. "If it makes you feel any better I loved Kris. I know you love him and he loves you so much too. He was really worried about you and he didn't even freak out when I asked him to sign my arm" he claims and I laugh.

"You you didn't" I whine.

He pulls up his sleeve and low and behold Kris' autograph was there on his arm and I stuff my face in my hands.

"I wasn't even here and you still embarrassed me. That's got to be a new record for you" I accuse.

"Hey now! I'm a fan of his and a shooters got to shoot" he defends.

"I actually hate you right now" I insist.

"Call it being even. I didn't spill the beans and told him you were at the store getting some cold medicine and I got my armed signed by one of my favorite baseball players" he claims.

"Fine" I sigh. "It's whatever. Now that you guys met and you totally embarrassed me I guess the worst part is over" I sigh.

"Or just beginning" he claims and I playfully shove him. "I'm kidding! I'm kidding" he promises.

"So what did you think of him? Did he live up to your fanboy dreams" I tease.

"I think so" he admits. "He is a very handsome man and he really really loves you. He wanted to make sure you got these and that you're feeling better so please text him and tell him you got your stuff and you're feeling better?"

"Of course" I promise. Landon starts to get up from my bed but I grab his wrist. I look up at him as he stops moving. "And thanks for looking out for me. I know you have better things to do but I appreciate you making sure I was going to be okay and being here for me" I insist.

"You might be a annoying little sister, but you're my annoying little sister. I just need to keep you alive so my kid can meet its cool Aunt" he claims.

"I'll be there" I promise.