JANNAH

14: DIARY

Here is a lengthy intense one to compensate for going MIA.🤗💛

Amatullah's diary.
December, 2013.

Dear diary,

Mr Handsome and I are practically close friends now, we meet almost everyday for the past one month, after my last class, in the lecture room or just some nice sequestered spot in the school. But as much as i enjoy doing it to the hilt, i know its all shades of wrong. Ya Jannah doesn't even know, nor Abbiey, he's going to be so mad at me if he found out. He doesn't lose his sleep over, keep his nose to the grindstone and pay my school fees just for me to be hanging around with a man, a complete stranger.

Oh, this is terrifically all shades of wrong yet it feels oh so right. Because i always look forward to our lovely rendezvous everyday. Nothing has ever felt this right. Its crazy, i know.

Today he met me under a shade just like the day before yesterday. He looked a bit unnerved and he was giving me too much feigned smiles and he kept zoning out and Ya Allah, that was so unlike him. Mr handsome always gives me his undivided attention, whenever i am speaking i love the way he listens with keenness in his eyes and nods his head meekly. It is cute. But I didn't get that today, he really seemed a bit off.

I was telling him how i loved cats and how Ya Jannah hated them so i couldn't get one because of her, when I realized he wasn't even listening, he clearly zoned out again. Well, at that point, you could imagine how irked i was. And worried. I asked him what was wrong.

"Do you remember that friend of mine, Shamo? The one i was with when i first met you here?"

I searched my brain a bit and it immediately clicked, the one with the cigar. I nodded.

Mr handsome cleared his throat, and shifted clearly nervous, "Well... i had a fight with him and he... umm... he threatened me. Said he will turn you against me and disclose all the gory things i do."

My brows lifted up at that and i asked him, "And what are those gory things?"

"Yeah, i was actually coming to that." He licked his bottom lip, "I'm just scared that if i told you, you'd regret ever knowing me and then turn against me just like how shamo wanted. But then again I thought I should just tell you myself, because sooner or later as far as we still hanged around, you're going to find out anyway." He took in a sharp breath, "Beauty, I'm a drug addict, it's a thing i have been battling with since i lost my mother."

I can swear that my breath hitched at that moment, my heart picked up pace. And the question that only rang in my head was, Amatullah Uthman what have you gotten yourself into?

I was still trying to digest it all when he continued, "I know you're already regretting bumping into me, you wish you never stopped in that shop. But you know what? You have every right to feel what you're feeling, I deserve the hate, I deserve a disgusted look from you even if it will kill me a thousand deaths."

Looking at the tears in his eyes, my whole body shook. My heart was pumping too hard i felt dizzy. I didn't know whether to walk away on that instant and never meet him again or put a blindfold over my eyes and stay!